She'getting rather good at striking a pose eh? Do you think her back pack is big enough? WOW
Monday, September 29, 2008
She'getting rather good at striking a pose eh? Do you think her back pack is big enough? WOW
Ok, So you know that I'm Moomp Photographys best cheerleader yes? So why should today be any different? I'd like you to go over to her blog and give a read to her fall/winter offers. I think even those far far away could benefit greatly at these prices!! Just think, one email could possibly get you Christmas cards just like that!
Also, for those who ARE closer, you can take advantage of her mini session rates! I have plans, ( albeit she knows not) to do both!!!
Heres the deal..... a young company, a hungry ambitious company, with talent on loan from God, can benefit those of us coming in on the ground floor! Guess what? I am certain that when she's rich & famous, she wont forget her original followers:) I myself have some wonderful shots that I haven't shared yet that I have ordered in canvas they are so good!!! ( checks in the mail H)
I cannot choose which ones I would like on the Christmas cards, but Im sure she will help me. ::hint Hint::: Anyway, GO SEE!!!!
Love yer Guts, I'm fluffing up the guest room for Blim:) I cant wait!!
Happy Birthday Dear Grandson! Wow, 10 years ago I got my first grandson! Woohoo!! Where does the time go anyway? I cant be that old? ( Im not either, I started young)
Pappa delivered Justin the gift of music. A guitar and a how to book, and some really cool picks! We are in hopes that his passion blossoms into a beautiful sound. Justin, its in the blood, do well grandson! Have a happy day, and sing like no ones listening! I love you:)
Happy Rosh Hosanna
Happy friends coming
Happy new fall handbag
Happy carpet cleaner guy so I dont have to.
Happy Birthday Justin,
Happy Birthday Jeff
Happy, do you see a subliminal chant going on here?
Labels: Marvelous Mondays
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Uglier than my wildest imagination, and now the realization that the ugliness is but a monster, and the monster is in me.
Grief is difficult, painful, and I think in my case, debilitating work. It is taking all of me. If I'm not the me I used to be, I'm sorry, but I'm trying to survive. Its ironic how each time in ones life you think that you have fallen on hard times, only to discover that it was small potatoes in comparison to what’s going on now. Is this blog a part of my grief work? I think that my writing is accepting what life and death looks like. Good, bad, struggle, denial, you name it, I go through it, and often times I take you all with me. It is making room for all the pain, so that it doesn't crowd out the other things in my life. My living children’s lives, my loved ones, all.
My journal quilt scares the hell out of me! Maybe….. as I have stated many times before, it is simply trying to purge what’s inside so that it will no longer cause unimaginable if not unmanageable pain.
A friend, and local quilt shop owner emailed a profound sentiment to me, and I wondered if I was in line with what she recommended, or she was “out of line”. The end of her note read :
“Keep your chin up G Woman, everyday you have is a day to celebrate the days you had
with your son and the remaining members of your family. Try to remember
that they lost him too, but if you fail to thrive, they also lose YOU. His
path was short, yours is long and affects all around you.”
I am not going to candy coat what I am going through to make other people more comfortable. I tire of being strong, but I do wish and WILL thrive again one day. I get ill when I see my pretending face in the mirror. I get angry that I’m so darned angry, and yet so weak sometimes. This is what losing a child feels like. This is what it does to a life. This is how agonizing it is. The feelings are real, no matter what anyone says. Healthy behavior ( I think) is to acknowledge them, experience them for what they are, and maybe, all will be okay one day. I fear that I will explode unexpectedly if not relieved from time to time. (spontaneously combust?)In ANY manner of expression. So I must not pretend to” not know” the monster inside of me, I must rid myself of it. I’m just very afraid of the cost. What, who, how much will this cost me? I find myself whispering under my breath to a few people, “please don’t go”. And a nasty flash crosses my minds eye of the whisper to my son as I said goodbye knowing he was in a black box. Not any of them could hear me, as I feel no one can hear me now, nor would I want them to.
Again I say that I am not alone in the grieving parent club. Altho it feels this way quite often. This is the new me. I will not ever “get over it, & get on with it”. Anyone familiar with the line in the movie Shawshank Redemption “ Get busy living, or get busy dieing? I used to think that way, now I know that there’s a whole spectrum of gray scale in between. I will never stop grieving for my son. A limb has indeed been severed, but I can and will thrive without it, for the sake of those left behind whom I love. For the sake of honoring a love, that’s now gone.
Most people avoid death. That is part of being human. A deep respect for life naturally leads to an avoidance of death. Sometimes it’s a fine line between when to keep fighting and when to let go. I pray that I will always have the will to live. Of course death is a part of life, I wish people would stop saying this to me…. but no parent accepts the death of their child. It is much easier to accept for a person who has lived a long life, than for a child just starting theirs.
I will no longer pretend I’m fine when I’m not. When I have issues, I will say so, so that the next time you run into someone going through this, or it happens to your friend, or maybe you lose your own child, you will know that this is normal. This is what grief looks like, and its ugly. The ugly monster. I cannot get around it. I can only go through it, step by aching step. It’s not my choice, its just the way that it is. Maybe it will help someone, just one someone, someday. We, I believe, as one little person, with 2 hands and one heart can make a difference. Be it in voting, teaching, counseling, Mothering, loving, even making a quilt block. Even blogging! I CAN make a difference.
Thanks once again dear blog readers, for listening to my ramblings, for praying for my family, for your encouragement, and yes, for every heartfelt stitch or word on the quilt I wrap myself in on a nightly basis. The heart of life is very good. Despite the Ugly Monster.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
There's a lot of different opinions about seasoning cast iron. Here's mine:)
Wipe it clean, using HOT water, & salt as an abrasive. A sratchy sponge or stiff brush works well too.
Great Steak Griller, And pancakesMy Favorites for Fajitas, not only great to sear on, but a lovely presentation as well. The PLATA below for tortillas was given to me by Ma at least 30 years ago? Its so cool for quesadillas with cheese, any tortillas, and oh yes! Chasing husbands down the driveway!
( I heard that was a good use)I'm going to do a Beef Stroganoff in the dutch oven tonight, Ill post recipe hopefully tomorrow. ( If I remember..lol) *Note to Lora* I actually make your old fashioned cornbread this way now too! I knew I could improve even the best!
Marvelous Mondays gratuities mean:
The right tool for the job at hand, be it quilting or cooking!
Helpful Hubby that brings me flowers for no reason at all
Marvey Markers... what did I ever do without them? ( see # 1)
Colbie Caliet singing Midnight Bottle, & Ingrid singing Take me the way I am
The right to my own opinion, be it right or wrong, its mine dang it.
The strength to at least get pissed and TRY to be strong. ( makes sense only to me?) I dunno
SarahBear Photo contest tomorrow, get your digital in!!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Fun Avocado Facts: (geez I'm such a geek)
Called ahuacatl ( ahwuakatee) in the Aztec language, avocados were a favorite of the Aztecs, who considered them a sexual stimulant and, therefore, a forbidden fruit. ( I flippin knew it!!) Although its alluring shape certainly mimics the soft curves of a woman and its many nutrients might explain the avocado's amorous reputation, science can neither confirm nor deny that the avocado is an aphrodisiac.
Spanish conquistadores loved the fruit but couldn't pronounce it and changed the Aztec word to a more manageable aguacate, which eventually became avocado in English. The first English-language mention of avocado was by Sir Henry Sloane in 1696.
Fast forward to 1871, when Judge R.B. Ord of Santa Barbara successfully introduced avocados to the U.S. with trees from Mexico. By the early 1900s, growers were seeing the avocado's commercial potential.
Today, California is the leading producer of domestic avocados and home to 95% of the nation's crop. San Diego County, which produces 40% of all California avocados, is the acknowledged avocado capital of the nation.
California avocados are grown year-round. A single California avocado tree can produce up to 60 pounds of fresh fruit each year, approximately 120 pieces.
The great thing about a California Hass avocado is that its pebbly skin turns from green to nearly black when it's ripe. Look for fruit that is average to large, oval-shaped and heavy
Avocados were once a luxury food reserved for the tables of royalty Latin Americans wrap avocados up and give them as wedding gifts
Friday, September 19, 2008
I went to pismo with a visor on so no one would see my Britney Spears hatchet job. Did my business in town, picked up a new quilt job at the Attic, then when I stopped for my lottery ticket. ( 7-11) Next door was a salon called Generation X. Door open, justin Timberlake blasting away.... I peeked in and said to a tattooed up looking bambi “ do u take idiot walk ins?”
She laughed and said sure, what u need? I pulled off my visor and said “ I tried to give myself a Sarah Palin “do” this morning, got scared half way thru and quit, now I have short choppy things everywhere. She laughed again and said Serena can fix u up. Out comes this 20 something bambi, tattoos all over ( again) with a cut that looks like she put a bowl on her head and trimmed around it. I said to her, I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING LIKE THAT! Serena said noooo this is just MY style, I know what u want, grabbed a magazine and said this? I said yes, can you fix me? She smiled and said of course, as she rolled up her sleeves exposing more ink. I then asked her if it was a prerequisite to be inked to work here and she said no, it just worked out that way. I was afraid. Very afraid.
I had a most enjoyable hour and I love the cut. A bit longer than I wanted, but it works. Walt likes it, but he did say he prefers my curls the most. ( translation, foo foo hair he can grab)
I’m going to try the beehive tomorrow...Roflmao!! I think I really need an Ambush Makeover:)
PS: now all I need is frameless lenses, a new body, and some glossy lipstick!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Ok, so last nights FRINGE was really creepy, but I swear I was hooked! I couldnt keep quilting, I had to watch! I know that I had entirerly too much coffee, but wow....
House premiere, unfortunatly, let me down. Why do the writers have to screw up a good thing? This year Dr. House is way too EVERYTHING, addicted, narcissitic, arrogant, etc... and, why is it that every season someone we like leaves? Now Wilson? Well shoot... they have precious little time to re-hook me, or I'll just entertain myself with fabric and thread instead.
Speaking of, I am actually making headway on that dang custom in there. Know what drives me? The very thought of more ripping out! OKay, and impending october expenses...lol I have so much on the fire its ridiculous!Birthdays all over the place,More clothes for Walt, Blima coming, Road Trip, Quilt camp (hopefully) in Oregon, shop supplies, Photos ordered from H.... ok, Im getting shakey, change channel, head going into sand.
Today I will work the night shift, in favor of a pismo trip for shopping:) :::SMILE::: I need some birthday treasures, and dog food! Ok, and Walmart run. I love this run... I get to zoom around all my streets, hit the beach, luncheon in town....sigh... I have no plans for Rudys birthday tomorrow.. Maybe Ill make him some birdie muffins and pick up a new leather toy today. Darned expensive pet! I say that, as I just finished a perusing of mini macaw breeders in the state....RUT ROOOOOOOO
I almost bought him an Indian Ringneck pal the other day . I figured, what could be a better toy than a new friend to yak with? Then I re thunk that... $$$$$
See ya later! I need to get on the road!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
- 9/8 Matthew (nephew)
- 9/9 My Munz
- 9/10 Sis anniversary too!
- 9/16 My Jakester, he will always be my Baby eh?
- 9/17 sil Mary
- 9/18 Super chicken Rudy! ( he is about to be 7, or not, if he doesn't shut up over there, I cant think!)
- 9/23 Blima (she will always be older than me...hehehehhe)
- 9/29 Justin , oldest grandson 10 ( & Jeff, Blimas baby!)
- 9/30 Niece Katie doodle, miss her mucho)
There may be more... as I think I have officially contracted Halfheimers. GRUNT I cant find ONE decent calendar since the move..(or anything else for that matter)
Happy Monday to all. I have the tulips completely frogged, its now time to quilt again.. I think I may have forgotten how? Is this possible???
Labels: Marvelous Mondays
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
My Dad continues to crack me up involuntarily! LOLOLOLOL Notice his eye, then his upside down tube of Lanocaine...rofl
We took Mom grocery shopping and Dad inspected the supplies as they came in. (too much time on his hands eh?)
Friday, September 12, 2008
Hi Honies I'm home! I had a fast, furious and frustrating trip to the valley, and Im a TAD bit revitalized having been with my family for a bit. I wanted to share these pics of an hour at the embarcadero today for my lunch break. These guys crack me up. They arent the least bit afraid of humans, and will gladly mooch foods from anyone. I think those pelicans in empty boats makes for good fisherbirds eh? Harbor Harvey is also no slouch in the mooching department. He loves sun and snacks:)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
September in the valley is typically one of the hottest months of the year, 1981 being no different. Fat~N~Happy I awaited the birth of our boy. He was late. Very late. ( a sign for years to come). Jamie was long and lanky, blond and beautiful. Blue eyed and seemingly healthy. Or so we thought. I was prepared for round 3 of colicky, but not for a year of asthma. After Jamie's first few episodes ( read attacks) I decided that everyday that he was breathing, was a glorious one. After all, the pediatricians all said that in 2 years he would outgrow it? I wondered if I would survive. September 9th, 1982 we spent in the hospital with our boy again. Mom, Dad,Balloons, cake, well wishers, brother and sister, we celebrated making it through the year. With Jamie in a bubble, attached to a breathing machine, I didn't wonder what year 2 would bring, I had faith that Jamie would be healthy. Prayers and pharmaceuticals....lol They worked and our boy blossomed into a fully fledged curtain climber:) He grew strong and happy and brought much joy to others, especially Mom.
The prayers and pharmaceuticals wont work this time will it? I always believed that his life was spared for a greater purpose. What could the purpose have been if it didnt last but 24 more years?
This morning I find myself wrapped in a quilt. A burst of warmth and energy needed to get through this day. I'm off to be with family, and as we gather round a place where Jamie DOES NOT reside, I fear I'll just die a bit more inside, and continue to live and thrive on the outside.
The good news is, I will get to be with family and friends. Tend to my parents, and find laughter in my grands. You guys be good, see you Thursday:)
Thanks to those of you who have emailed or telephoned, remembering Jamies birthday with us. I am grateful.
I also wish to thank Phyllis for this lovely Angel holding her son. How I only wish it were me. ( I know, I can pretend) Thank you Phyllis.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
About fall..... I adore the sounds, the scent, the sites, and I feel a rebirth of wonder each and every fall. I have always felt excitement about the future, be it road trips, kids in school, Christmas, fall activities, just... excitement!
I love the crisp air, the fires beginning, the changing color of leaves, and the pumpkins at every turn of the eye. I especially love to see new places in the fall. Eastern states are awesome to say the least. Montreal, Quebec however, is my favorite:) Blima and I have driven many a road just soaking the fall in. I'm sure that you have read about a few of our travels eh? My friend will come here this fall, and we will again hit the road to see some leaves. Lake Tahoe bound this time. I'm so looking forward to this I tell you.
Jamie was born in fall, as was his baby brother Jake. I KNOW the heart of life, is still good. But I miss my son terribly. Most times, I can think of much else. Try as I may, be it quilting, pondering, writing, reading, singing, cooking, driving, absolutely anything! His life, all 26 years of memories, my life from his on...his siblings. Each and every memory is pure pain, and loving memories. A mental journey that I'm being forced to take. Have you read Battle of the Mind? I think Joyce Meyers is her name? ( author) I think I'm going to dig it out an re-read it. Funny how all the stuff I've already learned is out the window in this kind of a battle eh?
Shortly after Jamie's death, a bird came in through the sliding glass door. My husband called to me and I came to find a little bird, staring me right in the eye, in the dining room. I said “hello,I love you”, hoping it was James spirit because he would know to come to me in the form a bird, which I love. The little bird just starred back for at least a minute, before hopping back out the door and taking flight off of the patio.
I dont know where Jamie is. I dont know why, or what to think. Often times I just scream inside, and no one hears. I am still breathing nearly 7 months later, and I am afraid, and I am hopeful, and I am alive. Sometimes I dont know how or why I live on, but I do. Sometimes, I dont want to, and sometimes I do. I feel tortured, and blessed all at the same time. How can this be?? I like to think that its still all so untrue, and I know I'll wake up. Its "safe mode" for my brain.
side note: Do you see how I choose to discuss a nice fall memory and even that turns to pain?Really creeps me out.
At any rate, as I said before, The heart of life? Still good out there somewhere, and I find little pieces all around. I am in hopes that this fall brings a few pieces together with my friend.
Friday, September 5, 2008
OK, I think its coming... some work, some normal. What did it ya think? Could be the parrot, cause Blima's coming! Could be Ronda call, quilt camp in the works! Coulda been Tracy down in the shop frogging right beside me telling me to move my ass or there will be no money for afor mentioned! ( well, she didnt say that, but I cant repeat what she DID say) Could be a new memory quilt job from Dana's college grad coming in... I love sentimental stuff...lol
How about the absolute panic of pressure that comes with it all? Yep yep yep, all of the above.
I MIGHT get excited ya know! ( lets not push it yet)
What ya think of the RNC this week? I had a good time with it. I watched the DNC as well. Knowledge is power eh? No matter your affiliation, I once again urge you to do your OWN homework, gain all of the research that you can, THEN make your decision and DO vote. It is our right, our obligation, and our priveledge to do just that. I have always secretly wished to have run for an office of any kind.. cause I enjoy it, but I have a few skeletons in my own closet which has always stopped me. Either that, or much like everything else, I talk alot about my passions, I just never see them through? Hmmmmmm ( gonna ponder that). OK, that should be as far as I go into such a HOT TOPIC.
I have about 3 feet of border left to frog this morning, then Im back to it... I cannot believe how long I have not quilted. No wonder my confidence levels are down. I plan on working all week end as I may go to the valley on Tuesday. I cannot decide. I want to go make a dinner, have birthday cake, kiss my kid, hear him laugh at me, scold him for his skinniness.. I DO NOT wish to go to his gravesite.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself and especially to feel, or not to feel. It's all just OKAY with them. That's a great part of a good friendship - letting a person be what she really is, and loving her anyways:)
Whether its a rousing game of rummy, A shopping trip to Art In The Park, coffee on a street corner, a chaotic dinner for five with a 30 minute wait, Breakfast at noon via our interactive Bed & Breakfast or just sittin on the deck psycho-analyzing each other... these friends are a blessing to have over for the long week-end. Thanks Heather, Kim & Sarah for a great time. ( in my jammies or not) Next time, I'll make certain that Aviana stays, cause I missed her:(
I so enjoyed making camera straps and YO YO's and all that was mentioned above. I found your note in the fridge, and I miss you too .(thanks for just one more cry pal) ( can u freakin move here already????)
Tomorrow (in my mind) seems to be a remarkable day for me. Maybe a SHOT at some normalcy coming. Walt at work, car in driveway, no visitors, or earth shattering drama ( from my mouth to Gods ears eh) and.................I am hopeful that I will have a productive good work day. I'm going to make a list. ( woohoo!!)
I've decided... A Happy Wife, Is A Happy Life... I need a new sign. Wait until you see the new art find from this week end!! Hopefully a pic tomorow.
Hope all of you peoples in blogland enjoyed your week end too!
*Local Artisans work for our home
*Grand daughters saying the darndest things
* Healing friendships
* My car in the driveway
*Beautiful Batiks to play with
*Quilts to wrap myself in