Rise & Shine

"All human wisdom is summed up in two words; wait and hope."

Mornin` I'm watching the rain again. I thought about waiting and hoping.. still am. I have risen, and Im not shining .... YET..... BUT I WILL! ( its on the list) Grunt.

Displaced or Valid Anger? BOTH!!

Since my appointment schedule is kinda kinked I am putting Thursdays visits onto Tell All Tuesdays.... isn't that special?? :::omg do u remember her? LOL:::::
Mr Wizard asked if I'd like a road map, or to use my own agenda. I nearly fell out of my comfy black swivel rocker to my knees and begged for a road map. He laughed and said lets do some of each. My list for the day was anger management. His, displaced anger. Hmmmmm Now theres a lesson in itself.After 45 minutes of examination of the subject Mr Wizard hit a nerve and caused a meltdown. Not to let myself go to far of course, I had a hankie nearby. The tears of a clown are not allowed to show.
Sometimes I feel like that little girl in Charlie and the Chocolate factory that everyone despises. The one who wants it all and wants it now. Just as quickly.... my Sybilness is such a little victim. Maybe I'm just mad at me. On that note I shall go and ponder today's lesson and begin my homework. ( actually Id like to smack the new dog that moved in next door because of its incessant whining and crying.) Oh wait! I need to smack its owner!!! Ergo, displaced anger.
"Anger is an emotional response triggered by an interpretation that a threat is or may be present. The physical effect it has is to activate the fight or flight response and prepare the body for action." In my unique case, Freeze is the operative word. Why is not yet known. ( at least to me)
When someone experiences a situation in which there are certain expectations of self and others that remain unmet, anger often occurs. Often anger is displaced to an object that is less threatening than the original source of the anger.
No question about it, Anger can sour relationships, no matter the source, whether or not its displaced, or valid. ( remembering that words wounds worst theory)
A recent rat study shows that when faced with 3 unpleasant choices, the animal would become so frustrated it would chew itself, heart attack, or just go insane with wild anger. We are not anmals eh? We as humans ponder the least of the painful routes, decide to take it, suffer the path while hoping for better opportunities.
Ok... it doesnt SOUND like crap, but it sure as hell feels like it. Mr. Wizard is indeed a thinker, or a giver of thoughts.
I am reading a delicious book which also has my head spinning round. Pick it up... Very good ponder food.

Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

My homework is another list, onto the original list.. quite the site too. It begins with put up a Christmas tree!

Lots To Do Today

"Your life becomes the thing you have decided it shall be."

Raymond Charles Barker

We all know what "decision" means right?
Good morning:) I am home, unpacking, and list making like a mad woman! Yep... list pads a flyin! I has a great time with Ronda and now its time to get freaking serious about my own DECISIONS. We traded bunches of new habits she and I. I am hooked on QVC and Ronda is sipping my green tea while.... WAIT FOR IT...... List making!!!!!!! No kidding... shes so cute and on fire with scratching the items off! (she is such a lil over achiever u know). I will be in search for a purse sized clipboard for her...lol I took mine out this morning, and overwhelmed myself in 10 minutes flat!
I brought home some delicious fabrics from her Mom's shop and I am developing a beautiful appliqued quilt pattern with it! Yep.. Ronda had me pinkie swear to gitterdone and show it. I will enlist the stitchers to push me here in person at Stitch n Bitch!
I thought Portland was interesting..... interestingly WET AND GREY! Oh yeh... When I landed in Sacramento I saw the sun and nearly fell to the ground in worship! It is quite beautiful and reminded me of Cambria in some parts BUT.... It also made me so homesick for my central coast... sigh... if home is where the heart is eh? CLIC
I have to run.. much to do and my morning devotional is making me a little guilty so its on and cracking! First stop... Mr Wizard! ( boy will he get an ear full!)
LYG!!
G

While Mom's Away.....& A Happy Birthday to Heather!

I want to wish Heather the HAPPIEST of Birthdays!! I love ya Woman! Lets do overs next week K?

Ya see... Karen had no idea the level of "spoiledness" my Ginger is when she agreed to pup sit for me...lol Aviana got a new racoon toy from Becca and of course Ginger stole it... slobbered on it, and then pouted when it was taken away from her. Sissy Karen HAD TO GO TO WALMART and buy Giner one of her own to bring her out of her depression! All is now well with both Lovie's .LOL Can u just see the brawl for the stuffed toy? I can! Good conflict management Karebear:)

And of course no car trip can be taken without Ginger on the center console looking at the driver so adoringly how could one resist???? I miss her, but then again, thats what I do. See ya soon kids!

Happy Saturday

Ronda is adorable:)

Rain is coming down... we be sewing.. so who cares! We are working on my applique skills, and as a bonus, I get a color segment! lol

Portland Bound!

Off to see my soul sista... hang out, talk life skills... quilt... find trouble. ( wheres the striker key?) I am in the airport..:::not in the bar::: waiting.. cause thats what it looks like everyone else does here. I didnt get frisked:( Yeh, I was kinda bummed.. I was READY FOR EM! I Did however set off the alarm having forgotten the cell phone in my bra. Thanks H.... grunt. To my horroe... the 20 dollar fee I paid for my bag was 50.5 pounds and you DO know what that means right? Ahuh... I CANNOT bring a single thing back with me! ( or it increases to 50 bucks! ) Seriously ridiculous.. I smell an entire blogabout there I tell ya. Its raining still and I hear tell it will be the same in Ore. I hope to sign on and send you peoples pics so stay tuned:)
LYG!
PS: side note: no plane since YOU know WHEN.. I'm already hyperventilating but self talk at rapid speed going on! I dont like feeling my heart pound through 3 layers of clothing. CLIC

The Absense Of Painful Conflict

Today Mr. Wizard and I came to one conclusion on the list of many. I am really not "tangled". I am simply "Untangling. What encouraging words eh? But if you are me.... it leads to about 500 other questions! When DID I become tangled? How did I decide I needed untangling?

I am certainly no scholar, not educated in psychology, not even to the degree of many. I am however ( I think) as real as it gets. In keeping it real I had to revise last weeks quote for myself. ( because I can) The absence of painful conflict. Revised to include what I think is the key I was looking for.

Conflict.

We all have conflict, managed or otherwise. But what leaves a slow and steady stream of emotional bleeding?

Painful conflict.

Now... what is painful to each of us may differ depending on the toughness of skin eh?
Words Wound Worst ( not to be confused with www.) kinda freaky huh?

It is my subjective opinion that some folk do not have the emotional intelligence to STFU (hold your tongue) while in an agitated state.(or sometimes otherwise) Now we are all guilty of this on occasion, but... OCCASION is the keyword. It could be youth. The older the wiser. Then again, some may never leave the youth area. Some grow up, however have little control over an emotion that allows there alligator jaws to overload their hummingbird ass. ( scuse me)

This is where painful conflict takes place. Collateral damage.
Can one truly forgive and forget? Or one or the other? Can people change?
I know those who have changed drastically. I also know those who have not, never will. Whats the criteria? What is needed?
Tony Robbins insists that a good relationship, ANY relationship, must contain common core beliefs to go the distance.
Mr. Pastor, says we must be equalling yoked.
Psychology says one must have the absence of painful conflict.
Ghandi, Maya Angelou and the like, simply says.............. In all ways, be kind to one another.
G says, take a heaping helping of each, and learn to be still until your emotional intelligence kicks in. Therefore avoiding holes in your heart.
Next time we will discuss Flight, Fight, Or Freeze!

G' Morning:)

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth."

– Benjamin Disraeli

 

So I guess I can quit saying I'm sorry when i have a not so happy ass blogabout? OKAY! Instant Forgiveness:)

G' morning. Now you would think that this is tell all Tuesday but you would be mistaken. Due to after school care of my lil ones I had to move my Mr. Wizard appt. grunt. Stay tuned.

I am but 2 days out to pack ~n~ go again and anxiety has set in. In a good way:) I think all of this planning, and doing is keeping my mind ass busy enough to thwart off bad vibes. Its a good thing. It would seem that deadlines, lists, forwardness works best for me. Keep calm and carry on..... I am doing my level best to be a tree in the wind waiting for spring. Hurry cherry blossoms! I am in hopes that it will bring good things all over. For now... I need to get busy:) Have a great day:)

Just Sayin'.....

Long Fun Week end & M and M's.

I want to do it again:) Oh wait! I think I will! I have 3 days to work my lil tail off and then I go to my BFF Ronda's! ( I still cant believe it) I think we will party quilt like rock stars! I hope I have some time to pack properly THIS time. sheesh... I was such a basket case last trip. No matter, I had a fun time in Atascadero (adter the 101 meltdown, gosh I'm getting so good at those eh?) with Linda as we played with fabric, thread, and wine, dogs. I feel in love with her aierdale, Gracie! ( ok, and the hot tub) I have a CAR full of thread waiting to be unloaded when the darn rain quits. Thanks so much Linda, lets quilt!
 Then over to Morro to spend some quality time with Walt:) I made some soups and we took in a movie and talked a bunch. I managed to get home to Arroyo Grande and didnt want to leave. I'm wondering now if its not a good idea to be in AG, as anger emerges in me while at the same time...so very homesick. Remember the post about "If home is where the heart is, I must have 2 of each?" Well... FLIP IT!  CLIC
So they tell me its Christmastime..... I see it all over... 19 days to go, not feeling it peoples!! If I could find my passport I would be on a plane to Montreal! I am on a big search, believe me. I'm trying Blima!!!!!!!!
I gotta get busy, have a great Monday!

M & M's

Good friends, fun times

Hope for better times
Safe travel in storms
My red coffee cup
Ginger being well cared for in my absense
Rudy being loved in my absense too!

Random Middle Of The Night Thoughts

• Why am I wide eyed...STILL?


• maybe a cookie will help me sleep


• I like cookies


• I always buy the wrong sized light bulb for my curio. halfheimers. grunt.


• I look around, and as much as I have downsized, I have too much stuff!


• I like my stuff.


• I wonder if I will ever have an IQ with a second machine head?


• I cant wait to love up on my BFF Ronda next week!


• I wonder if I will get to Blima:::insert screaming inside::


• I am excited for a road trip tomorrow to see my new bff Linda!


• I have a wierd mad, crazy obsession with my cordless drill gun. its fun?


• I like company for coffee and sharing a meal rather than a weekender B & B.


• I am missing my very first studio where Thimblina was born and so was Stitch & Bitch Night, and a bunch of other things born too. Rudy... a marriage... trees.. bricks.... ::sigh:::


• I miss the range in my voice to belt out a song or 2.


• I am missing a hellova lot of things.....


• I think I will go to the city and dance on Coit tower like no ones watching me. Ok Fine.. I really will be on the wharf eatting crab legs all the way down the block.


• I love KKSF live stream smooth Jazz... turn it on!


• I spend way too much time pondering lottery winnings.


• The Smurf house in SLO is for rent, and I want to BUY IT. If I won the 8 Million tonight... Imma walk right up there and do JUST THAT. Yep... I'm gonna say Whats smurfin on?? As I have done daily for the past few years as I pass it on the 101.


• Watching THE NANNY every middle of the night is seriously boring.


• I need some warm clothes. and wool socks. More boots. THINK Boots. grunt.


• I have over (easily over) a dozen Pismo sandals and I'm not there.


• I have a HUGE Christmas list in the middle of my mind that I wish I could TELL someone about! LOL I remember the kids used to make me lists... Why cant we make lists and give them to the kids?


• I am in need of retail therapy as I am having withdrawls that would choke a pig.


• I should get up and remove the closet door and put it in the shed. It bugs me. These days, its really not a good idea to bug me.


• I hate ants. They really creep me out.


• I wonder if I will ever be slender again, or if this is it... ::;more internal screeching going on:::


• I need a movie buddy. I think I wish to see Burlesque again too!


• I now own the soundtrack and TRY to belt out that range. ( E for effort G..)


• Oh Geez did I mention ants creep me out? Where are they coming from? Rain? ACK!!!


• I seriously love my lil TANK car.. it even sounds as Gutsy as she looks:)


• I wonder if wine hampers the weight loss?


• Sheesh, look how slim the NANNY is... I wish


• Did you know printer ink is a robbery???? Ridiculous! I will visit my frugal blog tomorrow and see if she has any tips on the subject.

Am I sleepy yet? Sheesh.. I think I will go load a quilt. Sleep is over rated anyway. Where's the ant spray?

Mister Wizard Unnessesarily Poked!

Morning. The coffee is dark, rich and hot! ( I was wishing that I was too).. Thought process of mine... forever weird me thinks. My cheeks still burn from yesterdays thought process admission. grunt.
I was yakking a blue streak to my Mister Wizard Therapist, and I blurted out a thought I had had about him! OMFG as soon as it poured out I was hot cheeked. I was trying to explain my "Sybilness" . Ms queen of everything verses Ms I'm going straight to hell for doing that woman.(not easy being me member?)I was REALLY only trying to show him how I can have 2 drastically different thoughts on the same subject. Anyway... poor guy. Subjected to my impulsive directness. I am not certain why but as you all well know he is the 4th in the line of shrinks to see me since 2008, and the first one that I feel comfortable enough to talk "directly" with. Could be good right? Could be that he resembles and older Walt? I should find you a photo... Im not kidding! He does!
Hey... I have a door knocker... shoot... BRB?
OK.. Comings and goings:) Its been a heck of a week! Jake and family are leaving for thier home in Idaho, and Heather and Mattie came for a visit:) They brought Krispy Kremes! Didnt they get the memo on the diet???
It's a freezing type of day and I am bundled up and ready to sew. Here I gooooooooo

What A Weekend Huh?

Its been a long week end, full of super craziness... BUT! OMGoodness alert the media I got a quilt done! Just a store sample mind you, but quilting none the less! And then...... One for my BFF Linda! I'm so motivated I loaded a Halloween store sample too! ( shes on a roll, stay close) I zero'd in on the secret. Remember me saying that quilitng caused thinking, which caused more pain, which lead to .. well... you get it... SO.. heres the secret. Fill your LIL home with LIL kids and TRY to escape somewhere! Focus on the Studio and filter out the LIL kids!!! ITS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE! Quilters? Dont try this at home! Thank goodness they were Pantos... phew... As I said though... the only thing on my mind was knit one, purl 2... oh no wait... thats knitting.. I was thinking, follow the yellow brick road..............I swear to Budha I have no idea how I raised so many kids,,, now look at me.. I poured a glass of wine by 3:00!!! ( member the rules, its 5 o clock somewhere) My daughter and Daughter in law both looking at me like.. WTH? Didnt you do this? I guess we can do it in our 20's, 30's... right? Its not all crazy... they look so cute snoozing with their sippy cups:) :::get the camera:::
Hope you all had a great holiday, now the push is on for Christmas!

M & M's:

sippy cups!
Help hanging pictures
lap top in the bedroom
I didnt freeze this week
going to the show:)
Daughters doing some dinners:)

Burlesque Review

Everything was going fine.. I was loving the movie... a great deal of fleshiness, but well done. I think Christina Aguilras voice is just amazing! Smokey, sultry and strong. I need this sountrack. Oh so where was I? Yes... everything was going fine UNTIL Cher's 64 yr old self belted this out right at me.
Yep yep yep, meltdown right there in the damn theatre. Go see it... but I bet you wont call it a 6 hankie like I did:) Enjoy

Happy Thanksgiving

For those I love, For those I've lost,



Warm Regards, Tangled

Who's Hosting Thanksgiving?

“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it”

Dorothy Thompson

Well, I tried? My kids decided that there isn't enough room at Mom's house, since the Longarm is center stage, so I will be off to Dear Daughters house instead. I personally don't know how everyone will pull this off due to all of the hospital madness going on. But, we will:) I am going to quilt and make a sweet potato pie today. Oh yeah, and ponder. Its very difficult for me right now to quilt because of the quiet thinking going on. Sometimes.......its really not a good thing. Thinking, that is. Sometimes the pain (s) are too great. But i guess if I wanna eat right? Of course right. Speaking of eating, I think I am losing weight. A bonus u say? Ok! I'll take it. I 'll take lots of it. Who knew... all those damn diets that didn't work and all I had to do was lose those that I love and it would happen. Did I mention I miss AG too?CLIC
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Shrink visit yesterday. We should reserve these discussions for tell all Tuesdays eh? It went very well. He gave me lots of ponder food. I think I like him. He seems like a kind man with a gentle spirit. I will keep him awhile longer in hopes of some help. One interesting concept was the psychological study of the Rah Rah Parents vs the Ney Say Parents. A study about the fatal illness of a child from each set of parents. Rah Rah parents were positive, uplifted, cheerful, and very certain that the child would be healed and all would be right with the world.
The Ney Sayers, negative, not much in the way of hope for their child. The children lost the battle and guess which parents were completely destroyed? The rah rah parents fell far too far and they were taken down so low that they could never get back up.. The ney say parents knew it was going to happen so they had no where to go but up.
Now think about it.... What in the heck good did it do the rah rah parents to be so positive? I don't know either, but I am pondering this. Sure makes me wonder though if I don't put all my eggs in one positive basket. All about balance eh? All about balance. There must be some happy middle ground between the shit sandwich pessimist and the happy ass optimist. RIGHT?
You should hear the studies about what makes a happy marriage! I am really picking my brain on this one... I will share more when I sort it out.
OK, bent your eyes long enough, I shall get to work. Have a good pie making day!
G
Todays quote haunts me so. Is the absence of conflict the KEY to a good relationship? ANY relationship? When love is dieing is it because we stop trying?

Look! M & M's!!! (she lives...who knew?)

"Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three alone lead to sovereign power."

Alfred Tennyson

Mornin'.. Its so flipping cold here!!!!!!!!!!!! ( just had to yell it.) I think it will be worse when I yell about heat, stay tuned. Really, they said 29 degrees on Thanksgiving! WOW.. Well, I havent seen- felt that in 5 years me thinks. Brrrrrrr I have a nice house warming patio plant thats gonna freeze herself to death out there! I DO NOT want to see the PGE bill coming for sure! I have 2 fireplaces in here, scared to try em? I think I need a chimney checker outer. Hey! Which leads me to a new business... Is there such a thing as Hire Out Your Hubby Business? Yeh... why not? Ok, ok.. I have a lot to do, lets move on...grunt.

Thanks be only to God, doctors, and prayer warriers everywhere, Jim has had a turn for the good! He speaks!! Thanks care angels:) I hope today brings even further progress. Film at 11:00.

I braved the week end rain with my Sis for a belated birthday celebration. It was SO NICE to change my channels and actually enjoy the evening. We dined at Mcormick & Schminks Seafood Restaurant and I had the most fantastic stuffed Salmon ever! It made me realize that I missed Sacramento dining... I cant wait for Mortens or Biba's!!! Then we saw Russell Crowe new movie, The Next 3 Days. A thinker, a looker, a good movie:) The best line in the movie... when he said to his wife..."THIS will NOT be your life!!"..... Swoon..... Talk about devotion! WOW

I am glad I went and rested my aching heart. I think I will go see it again! In fact... I need a fellow movie goer buddy.. I love it, I MISS it, and I want it back. Any takers? I TOLD Karen to reserve a date for me to see Burlesque... it opens Wednesday!!!

OK, I am now late.... Good coffee, good chat... Imma go find a clipboard and make it a great day...

LYG

M & M's include:

Aviana , nuff said.

A night out to change the channels in my bwain

Sarah Mcglaucans song... "Forgiveness" i want the new CD!

Caring Friends. Sigh...

Ginger's caring company

SUDS not SOAP

"You will not find poetry anywhere unless you bring some of it with you."

Joseph Joubert

G'morning. Hey I was thinking... I bet you never thought when you signed onto this blog that it would be AS THE STOMACH TURNS! ::::did ya?:::: It seems as if I come in now... instead of being the happy ass quilter of yesteryear, I sign on and STARE at a screen self talking positive optomistic things so that I do not write too sadly. Try as I may, the shit storm keeps coming eh? I kick it out, it just keeps coming back! grunt. So I ponder this today......How did Journey To A Harvest Moon become a soap opera?
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Jim is no better as of yet. My daughter is on the case, and very afraid for his future. It is just devastating to see this unfold. At 57 years old, this should never have happened. I am finding it hard to believe actually. I have prayer requests everywhere that I know. Honestly? I had the same requests out for my Munz, and yet? Not in our control huh? I know... No promise for tomorrow, love while we can.....CLIC
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I had a warm fuzzy today! yep.. inbetween the tears, fears, and pissed off-edness... Today was Aviana's Thanksgiving play. She and her Kindergarten class were turkeys, pilgrims, Indians and what a tickle this was. One whole hour of grins and giggles. She did very well with her turkey part and songs. while wiggling her first loose tooth and telling everyoe to SHOOSH... I suppose through her eyes life is sweet. I'm glad about that. I will go upload u a pic or 2... BRB

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I didnt get to sleep until 3 AM this morning. The rain was very heavy and LOUD, and being alone is a serious bitch. ::sorry:: No matter, I hung some pictures, drank coffee, watched another 4 or 5 episodes of THE NANNY and moved furniture AGAIN.. ( its what I do). I wish Ginger could talk. She just looks at me pitifully like, "can we go snuggle yet Ma?" I am sure one day I will get it all the way I like it in here, then move it all again. I think maybe its unsettling because its all Rental White? YUK! I need color in here!! GEEZ. Oh! And I need a stud finder. This whole knocking on walls only to be WRONG is just ridiculous!:::pondering stud finder::: Hmmmmm
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On that note.. I'm up.. going to see my Sis and family today. While there is a break in the storm. I hope its not snowing up there! I need to get out and change my channels before I spontaniously combust. Stay tuned! LOL:::and she laughs at herself:::

Friday Coffee

"There ain't nothing from the outside can lick any of us."

Margaret Mitchell

I see how little I've been writing eh? I sorry. Its really because I just run out of spoons really fast these days. (to be honest, somedays I have none to trade with at all!) I am seriously trying though, so dont give up on me.
Last evening I think I used all of my spoons either tending to the grands, or at the hospital. Jim isnt any better (day 4) but theres nothing faith can't do. His MRI has shown 20 plus fat embulisms (strokes) to the top part of his brain. The part that makes a person.... a person. The doctors say that he will need rehab for everything. They also say that its one in 300,000 that this would happen. I , of course, have an eyebrow up and will investigate further. While I pray, u bet. The kids are hanging in there trying to be strong too but the fear on thier faces just kills me.Please dear God not another tradgedy can we bare.
Needless to say, Thanksgiving plans are made by no one? I know.. wierd but true. For me personally, I am just plain ole confused with all the flippin loss going on around.. I miss so many things, but patiently waiting for time to pass, time to heal... ok miracles to happen.
Have you guys seen that TARGET commercial with the crazy excercising shopper gearing up for the 4 AM sale? One of the few tickles I get.. work with me people. Ah... shopping...I miss that too.
On the quilting front, things are moving slow but sure. I have a top locked and loaded and Im doing the ole stand n stare at it. I will win, no worries. My friend Linda has scored a boatload of thread for me and I cannot wait to get it! A REAL happy note in an otherwise tomoltous time. Thank you Angel.. I mean Linda.. I mean Angel:)
Happy Friday Dear Blog Readers:)

A Tsunami Of Something

"Ruin and recovering are both from within."

Epictetus

Something to do, someone to love, something to believe in and something to hope for. Something please, just not grief, loss and all those other dirty words. Those Tsunamis's I have had my fill of. Bring on the good stuff. PLEASE.

( just another popcorn prayer?)

You missed me right? I've missed you too. No writing ( or quilting) SUCKS. It's official, I have a studio. Its official, I am down to 5 boxes left to deal with in the house. Thank goodness for Craigs list for removing hundreds of boxes for me. I must admit, I have NEVER unloaded ALL the boxes my self before, and I dont ever wish to do it again. There are many "firsts" going on, most of which are distasteful, but I'll live. U bet yer sweet ass I will. Oh Dear... CLIC

My kids Dad is very ill and Jake has come from Idaho to join the family. A simple operation has become a horrid journey and sadly Jim is still in the hospital with no diagnosis/prognosis. Please include him in your prayers:) When it rains right? Cannot even believe this life as of late. Not the new normal one would hope for eh? Perpetual crisis, perpetual loss, if it doesnt turn soon I will be older than dirt and reflect that. My new shrink calls me "tangled" I have been pondering this all week. I will push him for more next visit.

For now, Imma go talk myself into quilting and not thinking about all the damn loss going on round here. One more cuppa and I'll be on my feet.

LYG