High School Graduation
Hey, doesnt this look like a pushy Mom to you? "C'mon... smile for the nice man Jamie....."
He has always been so beautiful. Even as a baby, people would stop me while strolling to say what a pretty lil girl I had there.
The middle child, and most compliant of four, James has always been the peacemaker in the family. I have so much turmoil going on now, I want so badly for him to call one of the kids up and tell them to knock it off. I find myself calling his cell phone repeatedly just to hear his voice on his answering machine. I know one day, even that will be gone, and once again I will fall. I'm not sleeping well... the dreams wont stop, good and bad. The doctor gave me pills for this, but it hasnt done the trick. The dreams are mostly fearful, and I have never experianced that before either. Maybe I need more pills.
The middle child, and most compliant of four, James has always been the peacemaker in the family. I have so much turmoil going on now, I want so badly for him to call one of the kids up and tell them to knock it off. I find myself calling his cell phone repeatedly just to hear his voice on his answering machine. I know one day, even that will be gone, and once again I will fall. I'm not sleeping well... the dreams wont stop, good and bad. The doctor gave me pills for this, but it hasnt done the trick. The dreams are mostly fearful, and I have never experianced that before either. Maybe I need more pills.
My sister Kelly came last evening, She will stay a few days. I think the troops are scheduling shifts. I am grateful. We will see how much I can accomplish with her today. I have a huge steamer trunk yet to be gone through of photographs, and I know theres a box somewhere with Jamies quilts inside.. I just cant seem to find them.... either.
Not sure if his pics and his music help me yet... I think they do. It might just be me grasping whatever I can of him. Guess what else I found? He brought me a quilt last summer. all wool squares, tied and tattered. He said "Ma? can you restore this for me? I have really beat it up in the last few years." He had been given this quilt by a girlfriends Mother in Michigan while he was doing his concert lighting job. Of course I said sure Jamie... if you dont mind waiting awhile. The quilt has since been taken apart down to the top... and now the some of the blocks need replacing. I think I will finish it and give to his father who is in his truck much of the time. I'm sure he will cherish it for James.
How do I do this? How can I go on?.......... I cant think about that right now, I'll go crazy if I do. ( anyone know what movie this line came from?)
Im taking your good thoughts, prayers and cares with me to get ready for today.
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24 comments:
I'm so glad to see you back to blogging. Your quote: I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow. It is from Gone With the WInd, Scarlett.
Jackie
Pretty transparent arent I? Yes, jackie, you are correct:)
Gina, I am glad to hear your sister is with you.
Don't try to think to far ahead. Take it one minute or 5 minutes or one hour at a time. Whatever you can deal with.
The pictures are great and I love the bits of information of his personality you write. It's like your sharing him with us, those of us who didn't know him.
I will call later in the week, I was going to call everyday as I was conderned about your being alone, but with your sister there I won't intrude. But I will check in later in the week.
I think of you everyday and keep you in my prayers that God will help keep you strong.
Love, Di
Beautiful child - beautiful mom! I think of you each day and send prayers to you and your family. Please take extra special care of yourself. You are so precious.
Dear Gina....my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this devastating time. May peace be with you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you every day Gina.
You are doing fine. One day at a time. One task at a time. With support from your friends and family. That's the best medicine.
Dear Gina, what wonderful photos, thank you for sharing them.
Thinking of you today, sending you my best.
TeresaL
Thinking of you.
Much love,
Sally
Whhhiiiit Whhheeeew
Yea, that's a whistle. He is a handsome boy G.
I love you and continue to thank you for sharing your life with us... it is a gift. You are a gift.
One foot in front of the other. Hugs, dear lady.
you are in my heart. Please know we all love you and sned you cyber hugs every day.
mom, Im glad u and aunt kell had fun yesterday. I went to the hyperlink u put in of munz' birthday, I lost it again, I am so glad that I gave him that nickname. Poor munz, I wish I could hug him. I'd let him pinch my butt with that staple removal 100 times if he wanted. I'll call u in a little while, for our daily chat...Aviana says....I wanna go to pismo, to see nonni, ginger and pappa
Gina,
You are so strong, I know how hard everyday is for you. Thank you for sharing your beautiful Son with us, you say he looks like his Dad but I see your spirit in his beautiful eyes. Our Sons may be gone from our sight, our touch, our ears but will live in our souls and hearts for eternity. Be strong, call anytime, cry, scream, but remember to breathe even when you don't think you can take another breath. Love to you my dear, dear friend. Ronda
Oh Gina, our hearts are breaking over your loss. Please know you are being sent love and prayers for strength to continue.
Judy in MO
Dear Gina, I hope you are doing a little better today. Thank you for sharing the pictures and stories about Jaime. I look forward to hearing more about him. Repairing the quilt and giving it to his father to cherish is a sign that you are going to be okay, and doing the work will help you heal. Take care today and best wishes. I hope the pain is a little less today.
Not long after Scarlett uttered those words, she got strong again. She shook her fist at the sky and rebuilt Tara. You'll get strong again, too.
Oh Gina - I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart just breaks for you. You and Ronda are in my thoughts daily. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. In time I pray you both will be able to find joy in having had these angels visit and be a part of your lives instead of the constant pain at losing them. I don't know if that transition is possible, but I wish it for you both.
Gina, please keep sharing the memories and the photos....it's therapeutic for you and I like hearing about Jamie. My heart hurts for you.
I am praying you can find some comfort in everyday. I cannot imagine how this hurts.
Gina, one day at a time, and however you feel each day is ok. I am praying for you and your family and friends. You have a great handsome son and you and your family are gorgeous!
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are in my prayers.
Sending sweet thoughts your way.
Nancy H
Hang in there darling and Lean on us all as much as you need. We are here for you! Prayers your way.
Diane F
Gina, I just heard of your news today. My heart is heavy and I am thinking of you.
Roberta
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