Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Coffee Blogabout May Be At Wine 30

"Never apologize for showing feeling.
 When you do so, you apologize for truth."– Benjamin Disraeli

Ya never know with me these days right? Its wine and cheese time, not coffee and cottage cheese time! lol  Sorry, I was seeing Mr Wizard. Good Lord I needed it too! It helps to not beat myself up so much. Thats what they tell me anyway. Also to my Dr Appt, did you remember the fateful December meet up? Yep yep yep.. You will be pleased to read that I do not have to go on insulin yet! I lost 2 more ( Ill take it) pounds! Which has given me another month reprive. New meds too for the Neoropothy. I have no idea what it is, but that other stuff was awful!  So I seem in good spirits yes? Well, I am experianced at faking it til I'm making it!. Its what I do. Mister Wizard thinks its healthy. I'll take that too. I enjoyed leaving the frost and venturing into the sunshine today. I left all wrapped up, and returned with layers gone!
I am thinking about my Uncle Henry today. He is my biological Fathers brother. He died Sunday night. He had a long and wonderful life, and we loved each other very much.I spent a good deal of time with he and my Aunt Edith in my youth. I adore my cousins and I hope I never lose my Terranova family. I guess Im thinking of him because it is really EERY how every year in my life, someone is leaving. Like clockwork. It occurred to me that it might be my age. My generation the next to go? It all began with Uncle Smiles remmebr? Just before my James untimely death. Three more loved ones, in three more years. My Dear Mother, my young sweet neice, and now Uncle Henry. I find this quite EERY. Its no wonder that I can go nowhere without a slight panic attack wondering who may or not be MIA while I'm away. PTSD.
 I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner and when Avi played Sanja on her playlist I melted down over giblet gravy. Seems that these things happen while cooking... It hit me about this loss, and loss of other kinds. At that very moment I was overwhelmed with a sense of loss, grief, sadness. While hugging it out with KareBear, I felt peaceful too. Peaceful in the knowledge that all be be well, no matter what. I haven proven that I am a survivor. Whatever it takes.
The gravy was saved, and delicious as always. ( so they told me)
No idea why I am rambling away. Only one sippa wine, swear!
Here is a sweet photo of Ma and Uncle Henry a few years ago. I think I'll go finish my new Russian Zoupa! See me Friday for the outcome!
PS: Have you ANY idea how hard it is to fake it till you make it???

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