Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Picking Up The Pieces

I'm collecting unsolicited advise. No kidding. Gathering information in order to cope, to make my own conclusions. To survive.
I just recently noticed that I am doing this. Be it encouraging words from thoughtful cards such as Donna's, reminding me to openly "talk" about Jamie. All of the years that makes up my Jamie. Not just this one. The devastating, senseless 2008 year. A spoon theory from Gayle disscussing what it actually takes for me to function on a daily basis these days, or the world/globe analogy from Ms H. showing me how its really normal, to be abnormal right now. That my world was not only in pieces, but all over the floor, and even by picking up pieces, they continue to fall. For this song at the bottom to hang on to from Walt... Just knowing theres a handrail to grab... whoa..
I guess its true, I am collecting.
Yesterday I used up all my spoons by 3 pm and had a meltdown at the post office (poor postal lady) having realized that I forgot the damn Bon Jovi CD to go with the paint swatches to mail to our Ronda, I couldnt even find my usual world, and I had no more spoons to go home and do it all again!
This morning I picked up my world and held it tightly to my chest. I gathered all of the spoons I could hold. Put on my glasses and told a picture of Jamie how cute that age was, and down the hall I went. I used 2 spoons and dropped my damn globe before I made it to the kitchen! And then I laughed, because I understood. I get it. Thanks so much to all of you. The information is being processed, digested, and pieces are being picked up on an hourly basis. I am forever grateful.
I'm off to try again, use more spoons, and paper mache` some pieces together....love yer guts:)


Anonymous said...

Rebuilding ourselves from the heart and soul out... I know the meltdowns, they happen with no meaning, giving us no control, we are lost and trying to find out who are we and WHY, too many things at once, too much pain, too many questions, tooo damn much left to do as a Mom.... I just allow the waves to happen, to cleanse the soul, to cleanse the heart, to give the mind a rest...... Love you more my friend... Ronda

Dianah said...

Thank you for sharing the spoon theory. I could have used it when I was pregnant. I am going to pass it on to a friend that coudl use it.

Miss you!

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