Sunday, June 15, 2008

Want to be a bird?

Awhile back, a LONG while back, while birdwatcing, Walt asked me if What I'd give to be a bird for a day. I didnt have to ponder my response and quickly relpied "Heck no! Its dangerous for those birds! Other things eat you.... ya get cold....heck no!!!" I've changed my mind as I have that right as a woman. I think maybe I could find Jamie somewhere.. I dont like all of the different opinions on the after life. Depending on your statement of faith. Its all quite mind boggling you know. You think that you have it all figured out at this age, and BAM... nope, you sure dont.
Fresh coffee in hand, knee elevated on a cushion after fixing Walt a happy Fathers Day breakfast... I sat admiring the freedom of the seagulls above me. Beautiful creatures in flight to ....somewhere? Who would have thought that I'd land in a bird sancutary? Morro Bay boasts the largest bird Estuary in the state. I wondered where they all go. How far, and what they can see that I cannot. Just think where I could go with my human brain and thier skill of flight. I had a chat with my boy. I reminded him to go and comfort his Dad. I'm certain that he is in great need of it today. You see, it isnt only Fathers Day over here at our world. Our Stephanie is in labor. Walking the hospital halls dialated at 4. Ironic you say? Yep yep yep...The new little "she" Jamie is on her way, on Fathers Day. This alone I think can comfort James Dad a bit. A BIT. I cannot for the life of me figure this whole thing out. And frankly, the pain is unbearably hidden most times. It just has to be. I am happy for us all, but I just want my Jamie to live. I just do. I'd like to take that bird challenge for a day, find him, and bring him home. If not home, find out why not. Maybe Im still in an "acceptance" stage of grief eh? Man, do I have a long way to go if so. I wish to tell everyone who will listen, that there are NO GO - BACKS. Enjoy whats going on right NOW, cause you're gonna miss this.............
change channel...clic
Im off to busy myself... I'll write more about the new grandbaby when I can.. I may be in route soon:)


Anonymous said...

mazel-tov to all,
Happy father's day
LU, B.

Anonymous said...

A new life and on Father's Day! God is blessing you and your family in this long and painful grieving process. When you hold that baby may your spirits soar with those birds and may you feel the touch and smell of your beloved Jamie.

Angels watch over you.


The Sarah Bear said...

I wish I had a wand.

That worked.

Alycia said...

Happy Grandmas day too then! My oldest was born on Fathers Day - the only year I haven't had to get a gift LOL.

Hang in there -

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