Saturday, October 2, 2010

To Decide

•The act of making up your mind about something; the burden of decision
•A position or opinion or judgment reached after consideration
•Decisiveness: the trait of resoluteness as evidenced by firmness of character or purpose;



"If the measure of a man is his word, then no matter the decisions I have made, I must survive them."
Me. G.


Get that? lol surviving my own decisions...grunt.
This month I have decided to return to my family and friends for a good dose of moral support. It is the right thing to do. If you follow this blog I'm sure that you have read "If home is where the heart is, I must have two of each". Well... I must leave this home now, for the other. It was a terrible self struggle to come to this decision. Everyone, without exception, knows my love for this place. I find serenity in the DQL here. I love the weather , Marshalls. In truth, I love my peoples and my mental health, even more.
My Walt & I have also decided to separate and work on each other and ourselves with mileage between us. God willing, we will "find" each other somewhere in the middle and love may prevail. Only he knows, just like ALL THE REST of life eh? While I will spare you any details I needed to get this in here for the preservation of history itself. (See I do intend on blog books dont I?)
I am certain that there is still something out there Imma supposed to do.:::said in my thickest Italian accent::: Maybe it really is in Oregon? R?
I find that having made this decisison to go back to the valley, I "feel" stronger, as if I have at least a road map. It might be the wrong direction, but then again, it may be the right one. Hopefully, it won't be the last one. Just a stop in the journey to a harvest moon. Remember, lead, follow, or get out of the way. I have much to do and the lists are flying. Cross your fingers, toes, pray and send good stuff thisaway. again, still, please? I love yer guts, thank you in advance!!! I'm in repair, I'm not together, but I'm getting there. Thanks JM.

But then again..................................????

Imma go make some good pasta sauce and ponder the road ahead. I think best while cooking. I would boil some eggs, but I ran out? LYG
See, I already forgot to post the magic moment of yesterday!
*Magic Moment*
Purchasing cashiers checks for the new to me home in the future. It was empowering, and very sad, but it WAS a moment.



13 comments:

Sharyn said...

Oh, Gina, I've been wondering for some time (reading between the lines) if something was off with you and Walt. I hope it works out in the best way for you as your road has been hard enough. I'm the one who put the heart of life on my quilt block as it really spoke to me when I first saw it on your blog. You have been such an inspiration to those of us following your blog with amazement at your courage and honesty. May you reap the blessings you deserve.

Sharyn in GA

marilyn said...

I have everything I can cross, crossed, that only
the best will come of your decision. Hope your
that your still going to blog . It'll be good to
be near your family and friends.

vivian said...

Good luck on your new journey! Sending positive thoughts your way!!

Gina said...

Sharyn! I'm so glad u spoke up! Thanks again, so much, I am SO VERY HAPPY its ON THAT QUILT!
Marily, as always, thank you. I am sure I will continue to write. I cant stop myself from writing on things? U wouldnt believe the fabrics and paper round here!

Carol said...

Sending lots of love and prayers your way as you start this new journey. You are due some peaceful waters.

Diana said...

Ah Gina, I feel for ya girl. You sure have had upheaval in your life. You are in store for a new normal? I hope so. I wish you peace and love. You need your peeps more than ever. I am wishing the best for you.

Gretchen said...

What a journey you have been sharing with us over the years. As always, my wish for you is to find peace for yourself, the rest will follow. LYG.

shirley said...

may God be with you and Walt and may peace find its way into your heart. keep on writing and i'll keep on reading and thinking of you and Walt.

Barb said...

LYG Gina as ever, you have been here for me all these years. Now as you need your friends (foodies are the best) I will be here. Come visit me in Vegas whenever you just need to get away.

Sharon Dixon said...

Gina, I know that you will find your way. You've been through so much that you're certainly due for a nice long spell of good things in life. I'll be thinking about you.

Anonymous said...

AND BOY WAS IT A MOMENT!!!! hey, if u find jings before you head up here...can u bring him? or maybe his spirit? I know that leaving the beautiful central coast, has been a very difficult decision for you to make. My few months there this summer, was quite an experience. The DQL there is great. The weather was spectacular, and such a nice change from the scortching valley,but I must say,that at this moment...I MEAN RIGHT NOW....you need to be close to your family, your friends, and your roots. You need to find your smile, your 'muchness', and surround yourself with love. Here, you may not live with the perfect weather, or the perfect 'class of people'(u know what I mean)....but what you will live around, are people who love you, and want to see you, help you, and share laughter with you. Here you will find things that you know...things that you remember..things that used to make you happy. Here are your roots. I am 36 years old, and have been here for 32 of those years. So do the math mom...5 years ago you left.27 of those years, you were here with me. AND YOU WERE HAPPY! and you were not alone. Here you will be able to heal your mind and heart, and I think...maybe, just maybe, finish those grieving steps, and finally have peace of mind. A new chapter is about to unfold here, and who knows...the valley may just be a stepping stone for you...many many doors to be opened...YOU just have to knock on the right one! Letting go of your old self and the process of letting the NEW YOU emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life mom, But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming.
Letting go is one of the hardest lessons in life(which you like any parent, who has lost a child, sadly knows)

In life, there's many things that we have to learn to let go. We have to let go of situations, things, memories, people and even ourselves. Earlier this summer, I let go of a 22 year friendship. You know that was hard on me, but it had to be done. Loss in any form is hard. The years and time that went into that relationship...the nurturing that was done, all just to be ended. It all goes back to that little phrase we kept saying all summer "nothing stays the same accept change". Remember I said it should be changed to "EXCEPT CHANGE". YEP>>EMBRACE IT. DONT DENY IT. I was afraid to let Andrea go. It was so normal for me. Shes been there since I was a little girl. We have a major past together. Alot of good times, and alot of bad, but I had finally come to the realization that IT was consuming me. The hate, the drama, the lies and betrayal became too much for me. Yes, I miss the way we used to be, and I hope one day, we can look back on the years and reflect on the positive. Who knows, maybe with time and space, the wounds will heal, and the two of us might be be able to repair what was broken. This holds true for you and Walt also.It's so easy to form an attachment to people, places and things it can be a very painful feeling when you realized that it's time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain.I feel that there are times where you or that person has changed to the extent that it's necessary to let go of the relationship or friendship, so that each of you can find your life's path. By refusing to let go of the painful past, it'll serve as a roadblock for future happiness. BELIEVE THAT!

I LOVE YOU MOM..we all do. Home is where you put ur chit...not a town.

Karen

Anonymous said...

MOM>>

some of these, are pretty good


All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
-- Havelock Ellis

As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. They understand the power ofletting go . Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break. Now is not the time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break.
-- Julia Butterfly Hill

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
-- Oprah Winfrey

By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.
-- Lao Tzu

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
-- Raymond Lindquist

Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties,
-- Gail Sheehy

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
-- Author Unknown

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.
-- Ann Landers

Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions.
-- Gerald Jampolsky

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?
-- Leo Buscaglia

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
-- Anon

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.
-- Kate Winslet

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.
-- Sylvia Robinson

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.
-- Gloria Naylor

Stand up and walk out of your history.
-- Phil McGraw

The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there's gold in letting go of them.
-- John Seely Brown

Think about any attachments that are depleting your emotional reserves. Consider letting them go.
-- Oprah Winfrey

True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.
-- Author Unknown

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood.
-- Karen Casey

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.
-- Author Unknown

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
-- Lao Tzu

You have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by. Yes, but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.
-- James Matthew Barrie

You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.
-- Author Unknown

Gina said...

hey that was whole pot of coffee!!! Calling you:)

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