Friday, July 9, 2010

Bandaids VS Amazing

Disclaimer: grief work content

If words are indeed like weapons, I contend that they can also be healers.
Day one, moment unknown, a three year old voice sweeter than candy asked if her Aunti G needed a bandaid. If one can posess empathy at aged three, she had it. That question has been burnt into my mind and I have called upon it regularly in the life altering grief journey that I am on. Yes, in repair mode I call it. In this self repair job of mine I find that I often do need a bandaid or two. I find them in various places, and I seek them out. In friends and family, in my quilting, music, and in church. Alas, they are just that. Bandaids.

Bandaids:  Protects the cut, e.g. from friction, germs, damage, or dirt. Thus, the healing process of the body is less disturbed. Some bandaids can even speed healing and minimize scarring.

Really? Wow...
Until most recently I have been on a personal quest to speed the healing process with minimal scaring. Aint gonna happen. I do live in a world with a certain amount of sadness. It is becoming a way of life. But also I am learning to heal the parts that CAN be healed. I am finding new normals and seeking out smiles. I make plans to repair myself and hit the list with purpose. I wear my bandaid proudly and until last week had no replacement for the "term".
My lil three year old wise one is about to turn five. I wonder now if she isnt an angel sent to me. For me. Cause It's all about me. Last week while enjoying the beach fireworks I took great pleasure in watching not the display of lights in the sky, but the display of lights on our little girls. MY little girls. In little chairs, with little jackets and little hats. Little smiles and little hearts. And Miss Sarah Bear with one big word. It was thrown at me as if it were an arrow shooting across a campfire. The world stopped and I heard only her. I saw only her eyes. The noise, lights, people, were muted as she looked wide eyed directly into mine and exclaimed " Its  amazing!!!" I swear then, and now, I heard the voice of God through a tiny angel. It was time, as I had been diligently working remove the bandaid, and see what IS amazing.
My heart wears a scar, yep. Much larger than my knee replacement scar. My sadness resides within. It has joined "who" I am to become. I have issues, for sure...But, I will forever work to find AMAZING.
Maybe, just maybe, when I fall and look for a bandaid real quick, I will find amazing to work with it.
I thank God for my tiny angels. I wonder if Jamie is watching. I wonder if he has a tiny angel, or if he is one. I wonder a lot.
Amazing: To fill with wonder and surprise; to astonish, astound, surprise or perplex.


marilyn said...

What a great post, Gina. Out of the mouths of babes
come the most profound sayings. I'm glad that she
could bring you some comfort. Kids always do that
for me when I'm sad and having a bad day. Believe me
your Jamie is watching over everyone don't ever
doubt that.

Thomas (& Laura) Hodge said...

Yup. She's an angel. And so is he. We just can't currently see him. xoxo

The Sarah Bear said...

WOW. Just WOW. I love you sis.

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