Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Identity Fit & Mr Wizard /TaT

Upon further contimplation (cause thats what I do) ( while boiling eggs) I have decided that I have my foot firmly planted in an identity threat. Now WHO needed a team of shrinks for that? I knew the answer would come!Yes, it is entirely possible that I've lost whats left of my mind. But.........
Now one could call it meaningful collaboration with Mr Wizard, but frankly, THIS never came up.
What if.......... You were shook to your very core with loss,(es) death,(s) change,(es) fear, and add in a threat to your forever happy place?
So I'm quilting away over there, having a little hissy fit with a variegated silky thread. It wouldn't give me perfect tension and I was talking to it as though it were my first born. I had to stop and snicker because I remembered in the beginning how when this happened to me I would find a wall, slink down onto the floor, and bawl for awhile. How far I had come from those days. I actually evolved and BECAME a quilter. I wasn't born that way ya know. I was always somebody else until my quilting journey began. So and So's Mom. So and So's wife. Manager of... Food & Beverage director Of...Innkeeper For.... Even Owner Of....I had IDENTITIES. One day, it turned into that long arm quilter over there... Oh you know Dear Gina.. the quilter from yada yada yada....I found contentment in my identity. I found peace within my realm of colleagues. Then all hell seemed to have broken loose upon the tragic, untimely loss of my son. From that moment in time nothing right can be found. Nothing normal. Not even new normals, unless you would like to call CHANGE a new normal. However, I digress. Who was I now? The Mother of that poor boy? :::God I miss him so much I ache all the time::: WHO could keep track? With all of the moves and changes I think my identity has been IS BEING threatened and I am having an internal fit to defend and protect. WHO wouldn't protect their own identity? I had a good friend say nothing less than earth shattering words to me. "G, I don't think you want to quilt anymore". Another one said, "Hey sell your shit, get bitchy, and go make the big bucks again". And of course, the ALL TIME hair raiser, " Why don't you just go get a real J.O.B.". I was scared! I was am pissed! JUST because I have artistic discord does not equate to identity in trash can. Now, how exactly to locate that artistic harmony is anybodies guess eh? Where's my damn globe? I need it. I need to paste some spots on it. I figured something out. YAY me!
I'm sorry, but THIS identity I shall fight for to the death, and that's all I have to say about that.
Todays session with Mr Wizard was part two in a series of debate. I think that I failed that, AGAIN!

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