Tuesday, July 8, 2008


Not doctors therapy. (notice (s) ) OK, So visit number two I wasnt prepared for delving into my childhood. Lordy How I wanted to say MYOB. But I didnt. I was a good patient. I smiled and answered all of his questions. Even the ones that had NOTHING to do with anything, just a bit of spontaneity I think. ( tried to trick me) After a vigorous round of verbal volleyball, he asked how do you feel? I paused to ask myself, and responded with "relaxed.". He replied "good". I felt like I had been given a kudo. OK, 2 visits, 3 hours and its true. yep. I am certifiably normal:) ( fooled ya didnt I?) I am however destined to make more visits with his colleague, (for a womans touch?) Here is his observation. Please note that I whole heartedly disagree, but like I said... I am open, and will play longer. I realize that I do have "issues" and I wish to improve my DQL, Like RIGHT NOW, so the good doctor gets more of my attention.
First he gives me a lame analogy of the old show HAPPY DAYS. Asks me if I know THE FONZ. I of course watched every episode, and knew the show, and the Fonz well.... didnt everyone? He told me that I have strong sense of SELF. He liked my shirt.He thinks its cool. He said just about everything BUT, I am the fonz, including asking me if ever I was EVER in an uncomfortable situation!! Did he call me the Fonz? (tonights pondering) He didnt say it outright because he knows that I would have laughed and left. I now feel the urge to TELL on him to H... I think that I am grieving, dont know for how long, how to act, live, get through without going postal....and I just want my life back...with my son in it, and I cant have it.
He said that of course I am depressed with every right to be. He in fact thinks I should be severely depressed, but I am not. Mildly to moderate, and temporarily, due to the series of events in the past several months. He assures me that it will GO AWAY hopefully within the year, with proper treatment..... his words.
Now, one would wonder why I am discussing this with you. Well, you know my take on therapy dont you? Collect data, bounce off sounding boards, ponder a great deal... form my own opinions, move forward....... See how important you are? You are lifesaving and are needed!
I could just go straight for the COOL TEE SHIRT , have a glass of wine, and call a friend in the morning.GRUNT.
Lets just consider the good doctor one more sounding board, piece of data, tools, skills... all those PC words to fix me up. ( I do realize that I'm using good cosmetic surgery monies eh)
Sell me, dont tell me. To his credit, regarding this motto.... he has given repeated scenarios of treating an illness, until its gone. IE: cancer, lupis, flu, pneumonia etc... this makes great ::Sell me:: sense.
PS: I wonder what he thinks of the cross, and heart locket on top of the glass of wine? LOLOL
<---see, certifiable.
But I'm on it!


Carol said...

Thank you, Gina! Your blog today is filled with courage and comfort. It was just what I needed this morning!

The Sarah Bear said...

It will go away? I guess it can change form - but - go away? Hmmm.. I will remain open too. Thank you for sharing such an incredibly personal journey. Thank you for letting us in, and for letting us learn from you. Now go sew something.

Oh, and The Sarah Bear wore her aunties 4th of July outfit - she was smokin'!


DearGina said...

I want pictures?
And, your welcome. I am in hopes that somewhere, someone, someTHING, will help me too. The heart of life is STILL good.
I think. k, yes, it is.

Anonymous said...

What will go away, I ask????? Gina, I love ya to pieces, you are so strong, I do not think I could go bare my soul to a stranger and I would have gone postal being told i was like the Fonz, you are not like the Fonz, you are much prettier, and have such a wonderful loving spirit, is there anything wrong with being full of YOU????? I am interested in the It will go away, what will go away, please tell me????? We are going to the place where my son took his last breath Monday, not sure what I am looking for or what I will find but I just must go, like you looking for solutions to life... Love ya More

DearGina said...

Oh Ronda... I wish I could be there with you. I too wonder if I need to go to the crash site, but like many things.. I cant yet, I just cant.
The GO AWAY dr spoke of is Depression. Temporary depression he called it. But it takes work, and I believe that part.No easy fixes, no magic pills, just work. I figure,at this point, whatever gets me healthy u know? As I said before, our boys wouldnt want another victim.... especially thier Mom. Love your guts, come here instead of there.

Gayle said...

good for you for sharing, thinking, verbalizing and staying open. courageous?? maybe. i think of it as self-preservation....

so give that doc a run for his money. you hired him, remember??

when i went thru counseling, i kept hearing that depression comes from anger... and that anger comes from frustration. so they teach you how to manage anger, but not frustration. why? ive never heard an answer to that from any shrink or medical dr. i think what they really want to teach us is healthy coping mechanisms. and truly, in my experience, time is one of the biggest helpers for coping with loss of a loved one. it doesnt get easy, it just becomes more of a habit to cope the way that works best for you. does that make sense?

anyway, good for you for trying all you know how to and then some.

loving you.....

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