Thursday, October 23, 2008

Spiritual Birds?

Hey! It's too quiet `round here! I'm feeling post busyness withdrawal symptoms! I find it easier to "cope" when theres lots going on, people are all around, I'm WITH family and friends. I'm now plotting a course for Thanksgiving. If I can make til then.....Funny eh? It really began a few days ago, I was fighting it off by being productive and smiley. I spoke to Ronda before camp and wished them fun, and felt a miss because I wasn't able to attend. I think I just need to keep the ball rolling so that I don't send the ball off the deck! I miss my son. When its quiet I hear his chuckle. Sometimes I see a Champagne Super Nova fly threw the air and wonder if I'm losing my mind. (A song he loved). Yesterday a bird came to visit, right inside the slider door and wouldn't leave. I thought maybe he was ill or hurt so I toweled him, took him back outside and threw him off the deck. To my surprise he made a 50 foot half circle and came right back and landed on the window. Waist high windows, and not a foot from me. I began to talk to him, asking a bazillion mental questions. I towelled him again and let his head poke out while I asked if spirits could come and go via a bird... I felt like a dork, and I didn't care. I launched him off the deck again, and once again a half circle across the street to the neighbors, and right back to me. I then had to sit down and ponder. This is a point where you take everything that you know to be true, for your whole life... and throw IT OFF THE DECK. Wishful thinking? I have no idea. And again, I don't care. If my boy can do whatever it takes to say hey Mom, I'm OK, its OK, please, YOU be OK... then.... So Be It. I didn't pick him up this time. He stayed perched on the windows edge. I ran to get a camera and rudys bird seed. I sprinkled some around, he wasnt interested. I said to him, OK, we're gonna do this one more time, and if you come back a third time, we will chat. Towelled in my hands he looked at me and didnt fight. He didnt look ill, and he didnt look alarmed. His breathing wasnt labored, as a frightened or hurt bird would be. As his little head peeked out at me I couldn't help but wonder. I launched him for the third time, and for the third time he returned like a boomerang. I took off the window screen and invited him into the house. I told that darned bird everything I was thinking and asked him to please stay. He spent the afternoon perched on the window, just looking and listening to me babble on. No noise, no fear, just looking at me as I talked and drank iced tea. To a bird! ( well, I am experienced at this with Rudy eh?) This is the third time since I lost Jamie that I have had a strange encounter with a bird. You tell me... coincidence? Is it possible? Can it be? I came into the house and got back to work, thinking I was ready for mental health now, tis time. I gave it an hour or so before I returned to see. He was now gone. I looked on the ground, in the yard, across the street, and it was clear that the little guy did indeed leave by way of flight. I went back to work and wrote a post it thank you note, stuck it in the prayer parrot, and cried while I finished a fall quilt.

I am determined however, to win, so onward I forge. If I do go mental for real, it wont be because I didnt give it my all to be well... to be happy, to be OK MOM.
Today I have 3 table runners to quilt. I'm actually considering hitting the farmers mkt tonight and putting up more peppers as they are disappearing at an alarming rate. ( hmmmm Walt?)
That should get me out and about... social and distracted.... tis a plan.
We are in fact enjoying some pretty summer like weather here on the coast. 80ish and holding with beautiful no fog -no damp days OR nights!! We can see the entire coastline and the evenings are gloriously bright with the sky filled with stars you can nearly touch. Dolphins in the distance play, quite the site to see, and we are indeed so fortunate to live here.

7 comments:

Thomas (& Laura) Hodge said...

You'll make it, Gina. To Thanksgiving, at least. That's our next goal, too. And I'll spend some time being thankful that you had your Jamie in your life - and others to keep you going now!
Oh - by the way - we don't believe in coincidence.
God Bless You.
Heather's sister Laura in Colorado.

Desert Threads said...

You are finally starting to open your eyes, heart and soul to Jamie saying "It's ok mom"

Vicki W said...

How nice to have a visit from a wren! They are very sweet and social birds. They primarily eat insects so maybe there was a treat there in the corner of your windowsill. We get them on our windowsills quite a bit. If you here a very loud bird singing in the morning it's your wren. They are very loud for such a little bird. They are one of my favorite and I love hearing them sing in the morning.

DearGina said...

bUT HE WAS INSIDE THE HOUSE? Thanks for telling me breed:)

Feather on a Wire said...

Nothing is impossible, therefore anything IS possible.
All you have to do is believe and I think you've done that.

The Sarah Bear said...

Like my sister - I also do not believe in coincidences - there is purpose.


Love you,
H

Gretchen said...

What a sweet little wren! Lucky you. We had a song sparrow that visited us every day for weeks. Sat on the door or held on to the screen and peered in at us.The serenades us with his song. I admit, I wondered who's spirit was paying us a visit. I think it was my Dad.

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