Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I Awakened To : Stay Or Leave?

My Mama that is. Its so confusing to have both thoughts. My Sis says they have called Hospice and she knows that means 6 months or less. She is failing fast I am afraid. I cant lose my Mom too, I can't! But then again, her quality of life is out of control in a negative way, and I cannot stand to see her suffer. So why do I teter toter? My own selfishness? Please dont let me suffer another loss so soon? This question ALWAYS ends in the all time question... How much is enough? Is NOW a good time to say , "damn, that G girl has reached the peak of stress, better back off". But then again, is there life after death with whatever God you chose? I find it funny that no matter what I read in print, everything I ever believed has changed, or become clouded, at the very least. Not a day goes by that I dont wake up and whisper wheres my Jamie. Not ever a day. After his untimely death everyones opinions come into play eh? I collected so much data that I havent a clue!
Truth is... I miss Ma now, and have for quite some time.
So dear blog readers I'm up, awake, sad, happy, I will go and make breakfast for my guests and ponder no more. Thanks for the coffee, and the chat.

Had to come back to say.... LOOK at that woman! What a life she is. I hear her now saying Gina? lifes messy! clean it up! She has many of these lil things to say through out the years... a cross between Maxine and Martha Stewart me thinks...lol I should make a list... lets see....
Never go anywhere empty handed.
Tell me who you're with and I'll tell you who you are....
I got a million of em but my potatoes are on fire! BE BACK!!


Vicki W said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mama. I know you are so close to her by how much you talk about ehr on the blog. I don't have any advice or wise words. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and watch the potatoes!

Freda said...

I'm sorry about your Mom Gina. I lost my Mother almost 20 years ago when she was just 57. I think of her every day and there is always something I would love to tell her, and show off all my grandchildren that she never got to see. The only good thing was she suffered only 6 months after her cancer was found. I hated with all my heart losing my Mother but I knew she wasn't suffering any more. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The Sarah Bear said...

How's she doing today? Is your sis stayin' with her or able to have her at her place? How's your Dad?

Anonymous said...

Gina - I'm not certain about what happens after we pass on, but I'm fairly confident that there is something there and that it's pleasant. At least it is for those who have lead a good life. Look at the death experiences that people have had in the operating room. Did you know that they put special things up on the top of the cabinets in operating rooms, things you can't see from the floor, and that people who have expired and then been revived in the room can tell them what is there, because they floated out of their body and saw them? I agree, it's way too soon. But there will never be a good time, and I'm sure that when she goes, she will still be with you. Big hugs to you my friend. We're all here for you.


Anonymous said...

Going through some scary moments recently with my own mother and feeling that "not yet, I still need you" pull, I can easily relate to your questions about the afterlife. It's hard, no question. The thing so many successful survivors of lost loved ones seem to have in common is that they LIVE.

Continue to live life to the fullest and love friends and family to the fullest. Answers will come when they are meant to be.

Wishing you well.

Christine Olson

marilyn said...


Sorry to hear about your Mom......thinking about


Anonymous said...

Our Dearest Gina,
We all love you and are holding you and your Ma in our hearts and in our prayers.
With Quilted Hugs,
Jill in Texas

Sharon Dixon said...

Gina, I am so sorry your dear mother is not doing well. It is a heartbreak any way you look at it. Just hang in there and keep on living.....that is what she would want you to do.

Carol said...

Oh, Gina - it is so hard to hear about your mom. It is so hard to have our mom's leave us and I don't think we can ever be ready. I believe they visit always - at least I hope they do - the best parts of them for sure. I love the sayings. Sending lots of prayers your way.

Mary said...

It's hard I know but having lost both my Dad and my FIL, I truly believe that life can be worse than death for those that are suffering. I DO believe in heaven and I talk to those that I love that have died all the time and know they are still with me.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. I didn't realize that she is ill - must have missed it. How far away is she from you? No words of wisdom - just my thoughts & prayers for you Dear Dear Gina. I bet you feel like "running away".
Penny (Bubar)

June said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Start writing done those sayings. I find my self saying things my mom used to say. Big Hugs and see you next month.

Thomas (& Laura) Hodge said...

Dear Gina,
Sometime in the last year of Mom's life, my prayer was "But, God, I'm not ready!"
Clear came the answer "When will you be ready?"
And I wasn't.
But I believe she's with God and Jesus and the people she loved here. I believe I can still ask her to pray for me, and tell her our joys - although I'd surely love to have it be face to face right here.
The fact that we "knew" she would go ahead of us enabled me to write her a letter saying how I cherish her.
And - hospice doesn't know how long she has. No one does. Remember to live while we're alive.
With love from Colorado,
Laura & Tom xoxo

Anonymous said...

We all become our mom's you know? Your's is so unique it can only explain why we all love you so much. Hugs!

Nancy H

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