Dear 2010, You Havent Seen The Last Of Me

"Man can only become what he can consciously imagine."

Dan Rudhyer

Dear 2010, I have so loathed you. Nearly as much as 2008 and more than 2009. I am so happy to say Adios`.

I KNOW that 2011 will bring its own adventures, and the journey will continue for me God willing, so I am ready. Bring it!
As many of you know, I save blogabouts for THEE BOOK.. you know.. when I’m old and wearing purple. So here is a recap of this bloody year.:

• Had my brother and sis in law in from Alaska
• Ended the visit abruptly when Mom fell ill
• Stayed with my Sis & family to care for Mom for the last month of her life
• Laid our Mother to rest.
• Came back to Pismo to begin piecing my world back together (again)

• Got a new cool car.. my beloved tank
  
• Quilted 3, count em 3 show quilts
  
• Made arrangements for kids to come and stay in our home.
• Watched the entire season of LOST on DVD and was mesmerized
• I swatted my baby grand girl, and it still hurts. ( me)
  
• Won a ribbon for a quilt Mid State Fair
• Took a HOT trip to Palm Springs to watch my Grand Girl compete in a beauty contest
• Got hooked on Bejewelled on Facebook
• Got hooked on The Sopranos, via net flicks
  
• Rented out rooms to tenants and became a half ass B & B ( again)
  
• Separated from my Walt to help heal each other (?)
  
• Was given a human angel, I think from Mom
  
• Left one home on the central coast, to come back to another on central valley
  
• Began treatment with 4th Shrink, finally one thats working!! ( without meds!!!)
  
• Became friends with a customer and will win more ribbons!
  
• Won ANOTHER ribbon at Pacific International Quilt Festival
• Had a health scare of a breast cancerous tumor (benign)
  
• Quilted 2 more show quilts (cross fingers)
  
• Kept up with blogabouts, no matter the trauma I go through
  
• Went to visit my soul sista Ronda in Oregon, and I didn’t discover QVC. Noooo I didnt!
  
• Had the ::hands down::: weirdest holidays EVER in my life.
• Got sick, but not TOO sick like 2008/9 thanks to Zicam and Airbourne.. ( or straight up pissiness)
  
• Experienced Christmas through the community outreach of others for distant kids.
• (space saved for NYE Edit...lol)

In summary,the winds of change blew strong... waves broke the shore with a fury as the footprints in the sand washed away. :::WAV:::
Years End Theme Song is.................. drum roll please..................









2011 Goals

• Get off the "ON HOLD" place
• work on the book
• Fight not freeze
• Pay closer attention to my health. IMPROVE IT
• Enter MY OWN quilt in a show
• Buy ONLY what I love.
• Throw out, what I do not love
• Teach, :::read:grow::: more quilters!!
• Attend a professional quilt show, attend classes there
• Upgrade my longarm
• Improve my studio
• reunite past things loved
• Have a celebration for each loved ones birthday
• Go to Harlows, and Mortens for dinner
• Read more audio books
• Buy something from QVC, hopefully a jacket I cannot forget! (ok, and some make up)
• Re visit Hawaii
• Get prices on body work, make a list.

I have a bazillion more than this... but it will have to wait for the NEXT list!

Happy New Year to you all, may it be a blessed one for you and yours:) :::& Mine:::

Some Homework Could Include Retail Therapy!!

Goodie for me! Finally Mr Wizard gives me some homework that I'm good at!!!
This globe is representative of my world. Notice the shatter.
Now, I have had this ball (my world) FALL many a times, causing shatter. As I pick up my ball, try to walk, while paper mache`-ing the pieces back together, the damn thing just falls again,and again, and I cannot keep the pasties going on fast enough.Result? Train wreck. (that would be me). No matter how fast I try put the pieces back on, it just aint happening. Now.. also note that the shatters.. cracks.... are forever there, yet it is still quite beautiful isnt it?
While Mr. Wizard doesnt get the credit for introducing this concept, ( Heather does) he does in fact get credit for the elaboration of the idea. The "HOW TO's, after the fact. Its very interesting.
Anyway... I now have a tanngible visualization of the entire way it works. The chic under the globe, well, thats me.. and the wise ole owl next to her? Its me too. What a freaking journey eh? Serious book I tell you. I have a few other projects for the week too but I dont get to shop. (rats). I find it odd that I get stuck on some of Mr Wizards words such as tangled... untangled... in a holding pattern.. Hub of the family, and todays word of the day... TRAIN WRECK. Geez. I have NEVER in my life been refferred to as a train wreck. Grunt. Really?
Today, we have a hellofa storm going on. Lights off and on, wind howling, and the rain is challenging the wind for noise levels. All  I have to say about that is..... IT BETTER NOT BLOW OVER MY DAMN BALL!

Did We Make It Through? M & M's

I did! Alert the media! Call Live Copter 3 for Petes sake! Wow, what a ride eh? I may say that the journey is everything, but with me its just get in, sit down, shut up, and hold on!
I had a nice time with kids on Christmas eve, and spent some good work time with Walt. Mr. Wizard will be proud of the accomplishments when we chat tomorrow. (film at 11:00) We enjoyed a fabulous meal that I DIDNT cook at Papapovlos yesterday.. Best rack of lamb with a port reduction sauce I have had in a very long time! ( gotta love greek food eh)
Now it is back to my Quilting, planning, and self work. I am contemplating reviving an old New Years tradition of my own version of "the year in pictures". We always drag out every picture in the year, re live them, sort them, archive them or frame them and its quite therapeutic. I'm giving this more thought as we also lost Mom this year, so that isnt going to be an easy task at all. We'll see. I am concentrating (trying to) on the future, and packing away the past. Or as it has been said... Opening the door, walking through it,.. so that I may get to somewhere else. ( in one piece)
Was Santa good to you peoples? He is always to me too:) I got some yummy fabrics for a new project, a new beachable jacket,my cracked up blackberry replaced, and my secret wish list treat the Pandora Bracelet! I will have serious pleasure watching it grow! My grands had fun with their gifts, in fact, Aviana has YET to remove her new Lady Bug boots! lol Ginger is enjoying 2 things that we cannot decide which is her favorite. A squeaky toy FAR bigger than she is.... or the prime rib bone!!
Now.. having said all that.. I gotta tell ya, I DO NOT understand the news blurps about retailers reporting best sales in 3 years!!! WTH? This is the worst as far as I can remember! I'm not talking about emotionaly, I mean monetarily!! Am I wrong? Every single person I know is squeezing that buck like never before so I just dont get the news reports at all.
I am off to night quilt....cause thats how I roll.... I plan to have a Stitch N Bitch this week too!
Love year guts, let me know your exciting ( or not) NY plans so I can live vicariously through YOU!

M & M's include:

New tools. New skills. New ways to ponder the rebirth of wonder. ( I know, u gotta be me to get that)
Icecubes!
Lights!
The great boot find.
rack of lamb... omgoodness yum.
No snow here

side note, please oh please send me some sun my vitamin D levels are suffering!!! ( remember the shots I endured??? No moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Where Are You Christmas?

My world keeps changing. Christmas must change too. I remember the laughter, the thrills..cooking, singing.... the shopping. Now, Christmas is still here everywhere, but where did MY Christmas go?

I looked in my cupboards and couldn't find Christmas there..I stuck a Charlie Brown fake tree up as directed by Mr Wizard, but I couldnt find Christmas there. So I went shopping. I wasn't finding Christmas anywhere! One stop was at Campbell's in the Village, and the band that was playing out front made me smile, and remember. I walked inside to be greeted by an elf with a Hershey's kiss. I just KNEW Christmas must be in here somewhere.

I hunted for 3 hours. NEVER before have I shopped in one place for 3 hours. I found comfort in memories there, I talked to people as if I had never met a stranger, however I didn't find Christmas.
Now sometimes, people just get so far down in their own crap, they forget about others. My mind KNOWS Christmas is forever changed, and the losses in the past few years are just too much to bare at times BUT... others suffer too. (my head knows this!) I silently spoke to those I have lost... they didnt tell me where Christmas went either.
I really wish to tell you where I found Christmas, cause you knew I would.

Was it in a little city in Idaho? You may remember that my X had a near death extended stay in the hospital which made the kids come a runnin` from all over. This caused a great financial burden on all fronts. My youngest soldier son Jake and his family in particular. Especially with a new long lining job. They travelled home (Middleton, ID) knowing Dad would be ok, and they had helped. Christmas however,was lost for them for 2010.

I had been admiring Heathers post on facebook about "doing" the impossible. She has been E mail marketing the "unthinkable" people in hopes to get responses for her Library. My impossible happens to be helping anyone monetarily or emotionally this year. I wake up trying to help myself... go G go...
So I wrote a letter to the Mayor and to the the Chamber of Commerce of this little city. I told them about the gut wrenching problem at hand. I didnt even share with them the loss (S) our family has endured. To my surprise, and the families surprise.. someone heard me! I had calls and e mails... That city is at this very moment out in force bringing Christmas to my family there. Four Santa's with full arms just appeared on the door to my grandchildren's delight. Although I do not have them with me, nor can I help, in some small way I did. I am there. Where is Christmas? It was in my heart all along. Not a moment too soon, have I found my Christmas.

The kids have a tree and a few gifts beneath it. They have food and the best part is.. they have their Mom's heart there too.

God, the heart of life really IS still good.

I am praying for many many blessings on that lil City.

I am praying that the changes in Christmas will be okay, however different they become.

The good news is... I'm praying.


Jamie & Shawn

No Getting Sick For Christmas!!!

$32.00 can't afford to spend dollars is gone on a serious panic attack at the local pharmacy!
I could get a really good Christmas toy with that! Two weeks ago my grand girl has a bad cold. One week ago, dear daughter has it, and turned into full blown Bronchitis. ( my winter Nemesis) Now.. I was a bit SKEERRED but I thought that since I was taking so many vitamins I would be passed over. UNTIL this morning when I awakened with a sore throat. No problem, I snore. Deal with it. Fast forward to 12:30 pm. My throat is now on FIRE and I am practically drinking Listerine! I have a headache... I downed 2 Excedrin, 2 Motrin... I am now so very afraid! ( and I'm freaking freezing).
Raining cats and dogs, wind blowing the leaves sideways 2 feet off the ground, I grab my coat and my dog and get in the car headed for the pharmacy. Oh I cannot get sick... I cannot get sick. I am already weak. WEAK I tell you.... Throw that damn Jackie O crap right out the window! For every 1 hour of strength, I have 23 of every bad emotion I can thwart off! I only say this because if illness is added into the mix, YOU ALL KNOW what a little whiner I am! NO CAN DO DA PAIN! See? I'm already whining! dang it!!! All I need now is a Michael Bolton tune to come on the radio and I'll be down for the count!


I have a huge list to attack.. and its going nowhere fast. :::case I'm on here u say?::: No! Cause I'm drinking my tea and self talking me into not being so.... oh well... Maybe being pissed off P!nk is better than whining with Michael Bolton... Lets go... ::::::do not get sick, do not get sick, do not get sick:::::::and get out of fantasy land!

Broccoli Slaw- It Does A body Good

I love this stuff... I just gotta tell ya. I use for SO MANY THINGS! Its good for ya, its satisfies the CRUNCH need, its cheap, its filling... I could go on and on! What do you peoples do with it? Or do ya?

Broccoli Slaw: 1 bag of slaw,6 slices of cooked and chopped bacon bits (crunchy), raisins, mandarin slices, slivered almonds. Mix all with a cup of plain yogurt, a spoon of mayo, and a couple packets of splenda. ( optional 1/2 cup onions diced)



Cole slaw: Mix up some mayonnaise, a splash of vinegar, and celery seed ( or salt) and 2 packets of splenda and VOILA! You have a coleslaw that's better!!



Salad greens: My grands have NO CLUE they are eating their broccoli when its mixed into salad greens! Woohoo Sneaky Nonni:)



Sandwich: Substitute the lettuce sometimes for a crunchy treat! Or build a veggie sammich with this, cucumber slices, a slice of cheese and avocado slices...



And my favorite way................... wait for it..................



Saute a small skillet full with a lil slice of butter (not too long, just half tender) Then add it to your open omelet, and sprinkle a bit of cheese. Close omelet, melt cheese and top it with a slice of Avocado:)

Dang it, now I'm hungry.... This was a favorite at our B & B too. I think I'll go make one now! Sorry??? LOL Good morning!


Sometimes I throw in mushrooms in the saute too. I want to know where this tasty bag has been all my life???

Let me know what you do with it ok? I'll try it too!

Rise & Shine

"All human wisdom is summed up in two words; wait and hope."

Mornin` I'm watching the rain again. I thought about waiting and hoping.. still am. I have risen, and Im not shining .... YET..... BUT I WILL! ( its on the list) Grunt.

Displaced or Valid Anger? BOTH!!

Since my appointment schedule is kinda kinked I am putting Thursdays visits onto Tell All Tuesdays.... isn't that special?? :::omg do u remember her? LOL:::::
Mr Wizard asked if I'd like a road map, or to use my own agenda. I nearly fell out of my comfy black swivel rocker to my knees and begged for a road map. He laughed and said lets do some of each. My list for the day was anger management. His, displaced anger. Hmmmmm Now theres a lesson in itself.After 45 minutes of examination of the subject Mr Wizard hit a nerve and caused a meltdown. Not to let myself go to far of course, I had a hankie nearby. The tears of a clown are not allowed to show.
Sometimes I feel like that little girl in Charlie and the Chocolate factory that everyone despises. The one who wants it all and wants it now. Just as quickly.... my Sybilness is such a little victim. Maybe I'm just mad at me. On that note I shall go and ponder today's lesson and begin my homework. ( actually Id like to smack the new dog that moved in next door because of its incessant whining and crying.) Oh wait! I need to smack its owner!!! Ergo, displaced anger.
"Anger is an emotional response triggered by an interpretation that a threat is or may be present. The physical effect it has is to activate the fight or flight response and prepare the body for action." In my unique case, Freeze is the operative word. Why is not yet known. ( at least to me)
When someone experiences a situation in which there are certain expectations of self and others that remain unmet, anger often occurs. Often anger is displaced to an object that is less threatening than the original source of the anger.
No question about it, Anger can sour relationships, no matter the source, whether or not its displaced, or valid. ( remembering that words wounds worst theory)
A recent rat study shows that when faced with 3 unpleasant choices, the animal would become so frustrated it would chew itself, heart attack, or just go insane with wild anger. We are not anmals eh? We as humans ponder the least of the painful routes, decide to take it, suffer the path while hoping for better opportunities.
Ok... it doesnt SOUND like crap, but it sure as hell feels like it. Mr. Wizard is indeed a thinker, or a giver of thoughts.
I am reading a delicious book which also has my head spinning round. Pick it up... Very good ponder food.

Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

My homework is another list, onto the original list.. quite the site too. It begins with put up a Christmas tree!

Lots To Do Today

"Your life becomes the thing you have decided it shall be."

Raymond Charles Barker

We all know what "decision" means right?
Good morning:) I am home, unpacking, and list making like a mad woman! Yep... list pads a flyin! I has a great time with Ronda and now its time to get freaking serious about my own DECISIONS. We traded bunches of new habits she and I. I am hooked on QVC and Ronda is sipping my green tea while.... WAIT FOR IT...... List making!!!!!!! No kidding... shes so cute and on fire with scratching the items off! (she is such a lil over achiever u know). I will be in search for a purse sized clipboard for her...lol I took mine out this morning, and overwhelmed myself in 10 minutes flat!
I brought home some delicious fabrics from her Mom's shop and I am developing a beautiful appliqued quilt pattern with it! Yep.. Ronda had me pinkie swear to gitterdone and show it. I will enlist the stitchers to push me here in person at Stitch n Bitch!
I thought Portland was interesting..... interestingly WET AND GREY! Oh yeh... When I landed in Sacramento I saw the sun and nearly fell to the ground in worship! It is quite beautiful and reminded me of Cambria in some parts BUT.... It also made me so homesick for my central coast... sigh... if home is where the heart is eh? CLIC
I have to run.. much to do and my morning devotional is making me a little guilty so its on and cracking! First stop... Mr Wizard! ( boy will he get an ear full!)
LYG!!
G

While Mom's Away.....& A Happy Birthday to Heather!

I want to wish Heather the HAPPIEST of Birthdays!! I love ya Woman! Lets do overs next week K?

Ya see... Karen had no idea the level of "spoiledness" my Ginger is when she agreed to pup sit for me...lol Aviana got a new racoon toy from Becca and of course Ginger stole it... slobbered on it, and then pouted when it was taken away from her. Sissy Karen HAD TO GO TO WALMART and buy Giner one of her own to bring her out of her depression! All is now well with both Lovie's .LOL Can u just see the brawl for the stuffed toy? I can! Good conflict management Karebear:)

And of course no car trip can be taken without Ginger on the center console looking at the driver so adoringly how could one resist???? I miss her, but then again, thats what I do. See ya soon kids!

Happy Saturday

Ronda is adorable:)

Rain is coming down... we be sewing.. so who cares! We are working on my applique skills, and as a bonus, I get a color segment! lol

Portland Bound!

Off to see my soul sista... hang out, talk life skills... quilt... find trouble. ( wheres the striker key?) I am in the airport..:::not in the bar::: waiting.. cause thats what it looks like everyone else does here. I didnt get frisked:( Yeh, I was kinda bummed.. I was READY FOR EM! I Did however set off the alarm having forgotten the cell phone in my bra. Thanks H.... grunt. To my horroe... the 20 dollar fee I paid for my bag was 50.5 pounds and you DO know what that means right? Ahuh... I CANNOT bring a single thing back with me! ( or it increases to 50 bucks! ) Seriously ridiculous.. I smell an entire blogabout there I tell ya. Its raining still and I hear tell it will be the same in Ore. I hope to sign on and send you peoples pics so stay tuned:)
LYG!
PS: side note: no plane since YOU know WHEN.. I'm already hyperventilating but self talk at rapid speed going on! I dont like feeling my heart pound through 3 layers of clothing. CLIC

The Absense Of Painful Conflict

Today Mr. Wizard and I came to one conclusion on the list of many. I am really not "tangled". I am simply "Untangling. What encouraging words eh? But if you are me.... it leads to about 500 other questions! When DID I become tangled? How did I decide I needed untangling?

I am certainly no scholar, not educated in psychology, not even to the degree of many. I am however ( I think) as real as it gets. In keeping it real I had to revise last weeks quote for myself. ( because I can) The absence of painful conflict. Revised to include what I think is the key I was looking for.

Conflict.

We all have conflict, managed or otherwise. But what leaves a slow and steady stream of emotional bleeding?

Painful conflict.

Now... what is painful to each of us may differ depending on the toughness of skin eh?
Words Wound Worst ( not to be confused with www.) kinda freaky huh?

It is my subjective opinion that some folk do not have the emotional intelligence to STFU (hold your tongue) while in an agitated state.(or sometimes otherwise) Now we are all guilty of this on occasion, but... OCCASION is the keyword. It could be youth. The older the wiser. Then again, some may never leave the youth area. Some grow up, however have little control over an emotion that allows there alligator jaws to overload their hummingbird ass. ( scuse me)

This is where painful conflict takes place. Collateral damage.
Can one truly forgive and forget? Or one or the other? Can people change?
I know those who have changed drastically. I also know those who have not, never will. Whats the criteria? What is needed?
Tony Robbins insists that a good relationship, ANY relationship, must contain common core beliefs to go the distance.
Mr. Pastor, says we must be equalling yoked.
Psychology says one must have the absence of painful conflict.
Ghandi, Maya Angelou and the like, simply says.............. In all ways, be kind to one another.
G says, take a heaping helping of each, and learn to be still until your emotional intelligence kicks in. Therefore avoiding holes in your heart.
Next time we will discuss Flight, Fight, Or Freeze!

G' Morning:)

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth."

– Benjamin Disraeli

 

So I guess I can quit saying I'm sorry when i have a not so happy ass blogabout? OKAY! Instant Forgiveness:)

G' morning. Now you would think that this is tell all Tuesday but you would be mistaken. Due to after school care of my lil ones I had to move my Mr. Wizard appt. grunt. Stay tuned.

I am but 2 days out to pack ~n~ go again and anxiety has set in. In a good way:) I think all of this planning, and doing is keeping my mind ass busy enough to thwart off bad vibes. Its a good thing. It would seem that deadlines, lists, forwardness works best for me. Keep calm and carry on..... I am doing my level best to be a tree in the wind waiting for spring. Hurry cherry blossoms! I am in hopes that it will bring good things all over. For now... I need to get busy:) Have a great day:)

Just Sayin'.....

Long Fun Week end & M and M's.

I want to do it again:) Oh wait! I think I will! I have 3 days to work my lil tail off and then I go to my BFF Ronda's! ( I still cant believe it) I think we will party quilt like rock stars! I hope I have some time to pack properly THIS time. sheesh... I was such a basket case last trip. No matter, I had a fun time in Atascadero (adter the 101 meltdown, gosh I'm getting so good at those eh?) with Linda as we played with fabric, thread, and wine, dogs. I feel in love with her aierdale, Gracie! ( ok, and the hot tub) I have a CAR full of thread waiting to be unloaded when the darn rain quits. Thanks so much Linda, lets quilt!
 Then over to Morro to spend some quality time with Walt:) I made some soups and we took in a movie and talked a bunch. I managed to get home to Arroyo Grande and didnt want to leave. I'm wondering now if its not a good idea to be in AG, as anger emerges in me while at the same time...so very homesick. Remember the post about "If home is where the heart is, I must have 2 of each?" Well... FLIP IT!  CLIC
So they tell me its Christmastime..... I see it all over... 19 days to go, not feeling it peoples!! If I could find my passport I would be on a plane to Montreal! I am on a big search, believe me. I'm trying Blima!!!!!!!!
I gotta get busy, have a great Monday!

M & M's

Good friends, fun times

Hope for better times
Safe travel in storms
My red coffee cup
Ginger being well cared for in my absense
Rudy being loved in my absense too!

Random Middle Of The Night Thoughts

• Why am I wide eyed...STILL?


• maybe a cookie will help me sleep


• I like cookies


• I always buy the wrong sized light bulb for my curio. halfheimers. grunt.


• I look around, and as much as I have downsized, I have too much stuff!


• I like my stuff.


• I wonder if I will ever have an IQ with a second machine head?


• I cant wait to love up on my BFF Ronda next week!


• I wonder if I will get to Blima:::insert screaming inside::


• I am excited for a road trip tomorrow to see my new bff Linda!


• I have a wierd mad, crazy obsession with my cordless drill gun. its fun?


• I like company for coffee and sharing a meal rather than a weekender B & B.


• I am missing my very first studio where Thimblina was born and so was Stitch & Bitch Night, and a bunch of other things born too. Rudy... a marriage... trees.. bricks.... ::sigh:::


• I miss the range in my voice to belt out a song or 2.


• I am missing a hellova lot of things.....


• I think I will go to the city and dance on Coit tower like no ones watching me. Ok Fine.. I really will be on the wharf eatting crab legs all the way down the block.


• I love KKSF live stream smooth Jazz... turn it on!


• I spend way too much time pondering lottery winnings.


• The Smurf house in SLO is for rent, and I want to BUY IT. If I won the 8 Million tonight... Imma walk right up there and do JUST THAT. Yep... I'm gonna say Whats smurfin on?? As I have done daily for the past few years as I pass it on the 101.


• Watching THE NANNY every middle of the night is seriously boring.


• I need some warm clothes. and wool socks. More boots. THINK Boots. grunt.


• I have over (easily over) a dozen Pismo sandals and I'm not there.


• I have a HUGE Christmas list in the middle of my mind that I wish I could TELL someone about! LOL I remember the kids used to make me lists... Why cant we make lists and give them to the kids?


• I am in need of retail therapy as I am having withdrawls that would choke a pig.


• I should get up and remove the closet door and put it in the shed. It bugs me. These days, its really not a good idea to bug me.


• I hate ants. They really creep me out.


• I wonder if I will ever be slender again, or if this is it... ::;more internal screeching going on:::


• I need a movie buddy. I think I wish to see Burlesque again too!


• I now own the soundtrack and TRY to belt out that range. ( E for effort G..)


• Oh Geez did I mention ants creep me out? Where are they coming from? Rain? ACK!!!


• I seriously love my lil TANK car.. it even sounds as Gutsy as she looks:)


• I wonder if wine hampers the weight loss?


• Sheesh, look how slim the NANNY is... I wish


• Did you know printer ink is a robbery???? Ridiculous! I will visit my frugal blog tomorrow and see if she has any tips on the subject.

Am I sleepy yet? Sheesh.. I think I will go load a quilt. Sleep is over rated anyway. Where's the ant spray?