Happy Mother's Day To All

Often times, and this is one of them... it just cannot be true. It cannot be real. Dear God give him back, please give him back.

Water, Tastefully So

Ok, How many of you actually try my lil tips ~N~ tricks anyway? Now you know the older I get, the more I know I'm still learning eh? Quite a differance from the "know it all" teenage years for sure.

I'd like to tell you of yet another great FIND I found a few years ago. While spending the day at Sycamore Springs in Avila Beach with Blima, we treated ourselves to many of their wonderful rejuvination choices. Soaking in mineral springs tub, great massage, and a facial! It was during the facial I found a new anti-oxidant , cleansing AND utterly refreshing tool.

Stratigically placed on one of the waiting room tables were beautiful clear pitchers of iced water. Your choice, Water with Lemon, or water with cucumbers. Now water with lemon has always been my first love..but this green concoction was very interesting and I had to try it. I was pleasantly surprised by the taste, and yep.... it IS very refreshing! I squeeled to Blima how much I loved this new drink...and she promptly told me to switch it out with the wine. PPPfffttt... like that will ever happen eh? At home, I continued to "brew" some cucumber water on a weekly basis and did much research on the healing properties of the vegetable too. I think it stays....said I.

Last week, Walt and I went to one of our favorite mexican joints in Morro Bay called Taco Temple. These guys boast California Fusion... that means... we do everything fresh and less fatty than other mexican joints.. and they mean it too.. its delicious. You wont find any lard laden pinto beans on the menu, rather black beans cooked naturally.... Guess what water they serve? Yep... What a tickle to find cucumber water at a restaurant!

I do still love citrus waters.. but for a welcome change of pace, do try this one.. and google it too... its amazing what this veg can do:)

Blima? I miss you, when you coming for water?

BUT THEN AGAIN..............

You see what a basket case I am? You meander over to Heather/Sarah's blog, and you can see, IN YOUR FACE, just how wonderful 2008 really is if you change your thoughts just a little..... and see my Babies, my heart.... and life moving right along.
Be sure to go have a peek at my grandson Shawns handsome mug, the newborn Emily, her Papa's loving expression, and the soon to be Jamie girl and her mommy and my hands on her easy bake oven:) THAT was a nice run on sentence now wasnt it?
Thanks Heather, for the smile even through tears, and the not so gentle reminder about the heart of life:)
I am so very grateful. Now scuse me while I go phone up half the world to go see.............

I Hate Two Thousand Eight

Yeah... new slogan...
Life as I know it, is just rough for me right now. I want to chat with you, but sometimes I just cant find the words. I find it odd how once in awhile I can write, and then again, I am as frozen as a sour popsicle.
Changes under foot dear blog readers. Please keep us in your prayers as I know you are. Its probobly the only reason I'm still walking and talking at all eh?
I think I may have gone way past the "whats it all about Alphie" crap and gone straight to OMG WHAT IS GOING ON, Stage in life. I somehow know it will all be alright, but at what price? Will I split my days between the team of shrinks and the team of cosmetic surgeons? Noooo dont laugh, you should see my poor aging face! I'll keep you posted as I can.. just hang in there with me, and I know I'll be ok:) I have a great support team. (another team lol). I think I'm grateful to have had one spoon left tonight to check in:)
Night all,
LYG
G

Happy Birthday Karen!

THIS isnt an easy pill to swallow let me tell you! My daughter is 30 something today, and as far as I'm concerned, she must remain in her 30's always in order to make me look good. PERIOD.

She has blossomed into a beautiful woman wearing many hats. ( I dunno where she got that from) Karen, have a wonderful special day, I wish I were there to treat ya that way!!

I love you:) Mom

A New Marketing Plan?

Does anyone else have an issue with being called "Honey" by a perfect stranger?

Well, I do. I have a few quirky issues and thast one of `em. Servers, clerks, anyone who I suppose is being nice, it bugs me! I see u shaking your head.....I was in a crappy mood this morning. I had issues. My knee swelled up from roaming the Seven Sisters quilt show ( which btw was big and great!) I didnt sleep well, ( as usual), Rudy flinged last nights dinner on one of Jamie's pictures (really ticked me off) and When I went to make pancakes at Walts request, the maple syrup had gone bad:(. So off to the local store I go, hobbling, in sweats n crocs... hoping know one would notice me. I would have sent Walt, but he had a mad date with a weed eatter and I wasnt going to interupt. I had already started to load a quilt this morning, so as I'm sure many of you know, the threads just JUMP onto your clothing on a daily basis. I pick n pull before I leave the house, often times missing what I cannot see behind me.

Where am I going with all this you ask?

Well... while in the check out line, a clerk behind me called me said" Oh Honey let me pull this string off your back". Now.... THE NERVE has been touched.. she called me Honey!!! I turned to scold her and in a blink of an eye got a wave of a new marketing idea.

I pulled out my business card ( always handy) and told her that I was a quilter by trade, and there was no escaping this pesky little perk of the job. She said oh really..........................We chatted for awhile and she has a quilt top for me next week. When she comes in, we will get to know each other more.. then she will be allowed to call me "honey". No longer a stranger, money in my pocket, and frown turned upside down.

There. I'll be throwing thread over the back side of my shoulder from now on, and when you, as a stranger call me HONEY, expect to become my client and/or friend.

Happiness really IS a choice.

A Priceless Nonni-ISM?

How I do so enjoy pondering this girls thoughts! You see its in the GENES! Everything! She even swoons over pie! Do you see her licking her fingers just by the mere thought of the taste? PRICELESS I TELL YA...I'm saving this pic for her grown up dieting days:::snicker:::

Last week while with the FAM, we asked, "Where do u want to meet for breakfast?"... The general consensus was Marie Calenders. Now, I shiver when people say this, because I WANT PIE! You don't eat pie for breakfast.... or do you?

Aviana thinks so too!

Time Management

Oh how I know that this subject has been beat to death! BUT..... It's still a huge huge issue with me. Now, understandably, I am not "with" myself and I am aware of that, but I need some skills to practice. To focus. Maybe its discipline needed. ( maybe my eye). Being self employed is rough enough, but being at home, ALONE, intensifies it right? Oh! not to forget being at home, alone, self employed, and in your JAMMIES... Don't misunderstand, I know all of the rules, implementing them is the chore. ( chore is much to light of a word for what Im speaking of too)Could be that my managerial skills have become far too unused and therefore forgotten?How about depression trying to win? Ever read Battle of the Mind by Joyce Meyers? Hmmmmm

I'm pondering this subject this morning in hopes that someone will comment a light bulb moment for me. A refresher course through blog readers. Feedback, input, Team brainstorming..... come on.... Whats your number one self starter? Is it money?

Last evening, I had to brew a cuppa jo around Idol time just to work a few hours longer, and I still fooled around wondering the house! (this wondering business is weird I tell ya). I try very hard to self talk myself into not beating me up so much these days, but wow, I sure can do a number on myself. Rudy's been no help.. he learned a new sentence, and I dont know where from! A few days ago, I'm walking by his tree, and he looked at me, talon extended, and said HOW STUPID! Like he meant it!!!! Where did he hear this from? I stomped off thinking about the cartoon network, and how i wouldnt allow it on anymore.. must have come from Sponge Bob Square pants... Grunt. He is thrilled with his new phrase, and repeats it often now. I walk by and tell him potty mouth, and he just laughs at me.

I cant remember now what blogsite I popped in on, but it was discussing computer time. Walt also says I spend too much time here. Now, admittedly, I spend my first 2 cuppas here, chatting with a box. I can also see a very large monitor from across the studio so I can be reached when emailed or IM'd. BUT:::: If I didnt, I would feel a miss... and frankly, again I say, I work alone, and this has become the hobby that took the place of the quilting hobby. Chatting with a 3 yr old toddler trapped in a bird body, just doesnt cut the mustard. side ponder::: WTF does cut the mustard even mean anyway?:::

Heres yet another sorry excuse... I am still not a morning person, the later the hour, the more creative I become. Some of my best ideas come late in the night, bird put to bed & covered, music on low, hubby snoring above me, and coffee in hand. But then I am dragging to do the 5 am thing? (why sammiches become meatless).

With this emotional roller coaster that I cant get off of, has come many ideas /thoughts for big change. Now yes, I have read countless sites about grieving and the normal urge to do big things... and NOT TO DO THEM. But, I'm telling you, they are still there. I dont wish to bungee jump, not things like that.. but other things... moving is one, and its a common one I read. Now you know I love it here right? Of course right. I dont think that I have to even tell you about the battle going on needing to be near my loved ones. Then theres that horrid commute of Walt's daily. So, the urge is ever present. The house in the valley is still on the market, so we shall see where life goes next. I really fear that question on a daily basis. Well, shoot, haven't I gotten off track? My coffee is cold. I'll be right back, while you think up some earth shattering,mind blowing, epiphanies for me.

Mind Over Matter

I said goodnight last night to Rudy, to the shop, to emails... I declared that Tomorrow would be a better day. ( I should have added a good nights sleep). My day began unwillingly at 4:30 am. grunt. This is actually the first time in my life I have experianced so many unsettling dreams. As I have said before, I can self talk my way out of many a meltdown, but no control over the nights. damn it.

My list isnt getting done, and that bothers me like you wouldnt believe! Its growing which causes anxiety! So today, as declared, I'm all over it again. Its just amazing how things can pile up on me, or more to the point, how I now have no

coping skills/tools for it.

I love this picture of my James.....I know that he loved me too.

I have now an added rush job for the 7 sisters show this weekend.. cant believe it... so Im buried over here...leftovers for dinner too... Loafing meat is on the menu.

Week End Happenings

I'm home, I think.. Am I home? Wow.. what a ride!  I accomplished much this weekend, most importantly loving up family and friends:) We had a photo session with Moomp Photography and I got a sneek peek at a FEW pics... the waiting is difficult for me.. but heres one....and BTW, I just gotta say that we have the best photographer in our family that a family has EVER had!
We are all excited to see the shots of the day and so very grateful too. We had alot of fun playing with all the kids ( well, cept those darn squirt guns)Loved playing Wii though!

My Mom & Dad were checked in on and dad has an ugly Ulcer on his ankle, I'll spare you THAT pic...grunt. Whats next eh?
We, of course went to the cemetary and frankly I dont know if its good or bad for me personally. I was trying to explain this to the kids and Karen gave the best analogy. "its kinda like going to church. You can talk to God wherever, but it feels good when u go to church and talk too.". I'll buy that for a dollar. I often times refer to Sarah telling me in Hawaii, that I have an OWIE. ( shes nearly 3) An owie to beat all, and just wont heal, but these babies are good medicine. I miss my boy, I want MY baby, and thats all I have to say about that.
Shawn is blazing a path now walking everywhere! He loves to hang out in th kitchen.. I think he will love to cook like his Daddy:) The pregnancy is going well for Steak N Jeff...we got some belly shots:::snicker::: Our last grandchild should come in late June. Wow huh? Just wow.

Our Aviana LOVED the playhouse, but no pictures of that one yet as Daddy has to assemble first. ( I cant wait either!) She is officially 3 now, and tells everyone about her presents. Justin is sporting some new Harry Potter glasses, I think its adorable:)A busy week I have ahead of me here. My lists just keep increasing as I dont accomplish them! (I'm seriously trying) I'm off to make more coffee, and wish myself good luck!

Have a marvelous Monday, and altho not listed, Im still thankful for much.

Congratulations Ronda and Desiree!

THIS JUST IN!

call live copter 3!

Ronda and Desiree, who are at MQX (machine quilters exposition)

this week in New Hampshire are taking home the best of the best winning

Best In Show
for her Quilt Essence!!!!

Enjoy the eye candy... Desiree won a ribbon in the Jr. division, for her first " flower power quilt... Congratulations to you both!

I'm feverishly working this week, trying to get caught up so I can go see the FAM.

Happy Birthday Aviana!

Can you even believe that she is 3 years old today? Difficult.
I am gearing up to see her next week end and yes, the torture is on for the perfect gift. I have now gone from American Girl Babies to an outdoor playhouse. Only because while they were here a few weeks ago we had to do a Costco run and she ran screaming down the isle when she saw this playhouse. She went right inside, stuck her head out the side window and yelled Nonni its MY HOUSE!!! ( whats a girl gonna do?) I wish I would have had a camera at that very moment because it was just priceless.
Avi is a pistol for sure. So full of life and claims everyones heart for her own that she comes in contact with. She now has Papa "wrapped"... and he wants very much for her to come play on the beach more often.
The family did Marine World in celebration and Aviana ( I hear) loved the "coaster coasters", look out world is all I can say about that! lol. We are missing cake~N~ice cream tonight, which of course is making me mental, but we will do a repeat when we get there. Period.
Have a great day everyone, I'm chanting that myself... join me in wishing this sweetie a happy birthday:)

Split Pea Soup

:::waving to my big brother::::

Hey John, sorry to make your mouth water, and thanks for the call. Heres the recipe for the soup and dont forget what I told you about the 15 bean and Hambone soup:) Its a little wierd to think about 13 degrees in Alaska, and 80 here in CA.. I guess YOU should be eatting the soup and me BBQing!!

PS: I'm still cleaning the kitchen...grrrr I am SUCH a messy cook.

LYG

SPLIT PEA SOUP with Ham

1 16 oz bag green split peas
Ham Bone ( those honey baked ham bones make your mouth sing:)
1 c chopped celery
1/2 cup diced carrot
1 c diced onion
2 clove garlic minced
2 T olive oil
1 lrg potato peeled, diced
½ tsp pepper
1 bay leaf
4 c water
4 c chicken broth
½ cup cream or whole milk
*salt if needed


Sort and rinse peas. In a heavy 4 quart pot sauté onion, carrot, garlic, celery in olive oil until tender but not brown. ( do this with bacon grease sometime.. woohoo!)
add peas, ham bone, potato, pepper, water, broth, and bay leaf. Bring to a boil and cover and simmer one hour.
Remove ham bone and let cool, then dice available meats (really small bites) and discard bone. (or give it to the poor salivating dog) discard bay leaf. In batches process pea soup in food processor until smooth. Return to pot, add meat back in, the cream, and cook 10 minutes stirring frequently until piping hot. Serve.

*Check for need of salt as Ham usually gives you plenty.

Natures Oils..ahhhhhh

I was blog surfing and found a cool post from Judy about Olive Oil. I said to myself, I said ..."self? You could do a whole chapter on this luscious juice!" So here ya go...Olive Oil, natures perfect age fighter. My Mom always said that age shows up on your skin first, so protect it with all you got, and start here :::handing me a bottle of golden slippery stuff.:::

I believe it was 7Th grade. Just after I shaved my legs for the first time, after being told not to a hundred times. It would seem that we are not very hairy, and shaving calls more hair. I didn't believe the woman, but its very true. OK, I digress.... I whined Maaaa This is for my earsssss. ( chronic ear infections) She assured me that I would be grateful one day. Mom, thanks:) All my girls, listen up.

Now truly, much beauty and good health can be accomplished in the kitchen, right? of course right. Theres wine, avocados, lemons, fresh greens, wine, spices,herbs, water, natural oils and wine. I'm sure that I've forgotten some things, all very medicinal. You may know to stay far far away from the damaging suns rays, but I'm here to say that try as you may, age will find you and bite your skin with or without sunscreen and umbrellas. It screams daily for re moisture. Water, and oils. Are you aware that your skin drinks the water you put on it? It doesn't just all roll off.. So check your water. Also note that the hotter the water, the more it steals moisture. I have to admit that I am not as careful as I should be with a facial skin care regimen, however I do use a great moisturizer. ( Clarins) And no, I do not use Olive oil on my face.. too rich. with the exception of after eyebrow waxing. ( in younger days, plucking.. yuk)

Olive Oil is your friend. Dont let it hide in your cupboard like a politically correct criminal. I have a few bottles in the kitchen of course,one in each bathroom, a vile with a dropper in medicine chest, (warm it for earaches) one on the nightstand, and one on Walts night stand. :::wink::: Not only a few drops in your bathwater, but G-licious slathered on after bath and especially after a shower will have your body baby skin soft and NOT oily. Night time little dab'll do ya on those rough spots.. and when you need a great massage, do not go spend a fortune on fake stinky stuff! Drizzle the Olive oil and enjoy a relaxing massage. (you can GIVE one, for a fee) The skin drinks it up and leaves behind silky smooth softness:) Bonus: Your Hands get even more moisture! Now, I'm not sure about this, but Mom and I have great fingernails, and I think the oil does it. No proof on that one, but you've seen my nails eh... weeds I tell ya, thick strong ones!

I recently received a tip from a waitress who had the most magnificent eyelashes I'd ever seen. OK, I tipped her too, sheesh) Now you know I had to ask right? Just like I'd ask the chef about a recipe... go straight to the source. The woman wasn't a bit shy when she responded with a smile and happily asked me if I used the little pink old fashioned maybeline mascara. I said yes, its a staple, but that didnt do YOUR eyes now did it? She chuckled and said "well, I do lace my eyelids with Almond oil everyday, it helps them to be strong." I complimented her again and inside was having an epiphany about my oil theory! Guess who is now using almond oil on her eyelids? I haven't worn make up in quite some time due to tear battle, but I am noticing that my lashes are indeed longer. Now, I have to tell you that I have a condition on my lashes called Bletheritus. My eye dr announced this last year. I have been repeating it aloud ever since, just cause it sounds funny. I cant seem to get it to GO AWAY either! However I have noticed that since my Q Tip Almond oil regimen, the Bletheritus isn't so itchy. Now if only I could control the tears so well eh?

I wish that I had time to research more natural oils. I think I'm onto something:) I made me laugh... I liked it too. Now that I've bent your eyes on this subject, I'll go to work, you can ponder it, and stock the house. Get the good stuff. Extra virgin, first cold press. After the salad, its all about YOU!

**googled this**

"Extra virgin" means that the first pressing of freshly harvested olives are used, providing a golden-yellow color and the best flavor. The olives are pitted, ground to a pulp, and cold-pressed. Olive oil contains mostly monounsaturated fatty acids, which have been shown to have a beneficial effect on blood cholesterol levels . Olive oil has been used since ancient times to heal wounds because of its emollient properties. Olive oil contains mainly oleic and linoleic acids, as well as vitamin E, which is an anti-oxidant which prevents the formation of free radicals which damage cell membranes and can contribute to skin aging as well as to certain skin diseases. Olive oil is often used externally to moisturize and treat dry skin.

Trash Talk

Its true... onec a week, Walt and I discuss :::read debate::: WHO will go fetch the trash cans. Today is no different, and I am kinda smiley, cause hey.. its normal!!! YIPPEE!!! Now, this may seem trivial to you, but to me, its a milestone! I'll go get em!!! Lord knows I can use the walk, but I wanted to have the CHAT with him anyway, cause its NORMAL!!! Lets duke it out! Lets offer up a few compromises! Latey, I guess he has been taking care of that too, cause frankly, I hadnt noticed they exsisted these days.
In our area, theres not alot of room for builders to build. Being the capitalists society that we are.. developers have managed to figure out a way to get more bang for thier buck and build 8 homes on what really should be 4 at best. What this means is that on my street..... theres a sideways street. (dont worry, picture to follow). (also a really small back yard!!)They call them PUD, meaning a shared driveway, but everyones still on the same street. Now, we found this one and hesitated being as it was the furthest back, but it does have its advantages too. The trash cans and mailboxes arent one of them. Its taken 2 years to decide who rolls those Californian recyle cans all the way down there to the curb, but no decisions yet on the empty ones coming home. GRUNT. The trouble is, I have no good excuses? They are no longer heavy, I need the walk, so does Ginger, and well, I just dont have any darn excuses. At best, I can bribe,(which usually works) or I can whine, which gets huffs n puffs and flat tire noises (u moms know the sound). Invariably I hear the " I hate to take out the trash" story too. Now I'm sorry, but you will never hear me bore you with "Geez I hate to do the laundry" stories.Oh crap... yes you would. Nevermind.I just remembered the 17 bath towels story I just told Lil Kymn.
We all have our schtick eh?U cant see our home as its behind the photographer:) I also had to put up this sign so my quilty friends and customers could find me!!


Today, I wanted to go get the cans. And it thrilled me to see a faint light somewhere down there. I practically leaped out the door and skipped down the street! I wasnt quite so perky juggling these monsters back up here, but I did it. I felt like giving MYSELF a brownie button. ( who the heck made up that brownie button analogy anyway?) OMG I PONDERED! See... 2 count em 2 lil normal things::sigh::
As you can see, I didnt archive pics today.. now THAT was just more than I could handle for one day, and frankly, I ran out of spoons AND channels to change. I decided that it wasnt good for my DQL right now. As I gain stamina, I will return to it. As for now, my family is in too much a mess for me to sink too far on any given day.
Your continued prayers are appreciated for these kids who suffer more than my heart can bare.
Thanks to all, now I'll go work on my quilt..I'm doing a Sashiko pattern thats kinda making me mental with placement, but hey... its just a pattern right? HA! small fry in the scheme of things I say.
LYG
Hey.... It just dawned on me... 2 years... this week was move in week 2 years ago... wow...even THAT doesnt seem real. I distinctly remember sending this picture to Ms H cause she was in deep denial that we had moved. Its ok H, no one else believed it either.

Always A Waterboy

Ok, I have taken the plunge. No matter the pleasure or the pain I need to scan and archive these precious pics of ours. I'm dividing my time measuring the hours in spoons, so wish me luck. I will devote only one hour and who knows how many spoons to this project, and I will sometimes share a few with you good peoples too:). One thing I struggle with of late, are my memories. The good doctor says it is the pain masking the memories, and they will return as the pain subsides. ::pondering subsides:: From his mouth to Gods ears eh?

From the cradle Jamie was in the water. Much like all of my children were. I was not... ::::insert chicken pecking::::Two of the four became little swimteam stars. Karen swam butterfly so well that we all thought that if her singing career didnt pan out, olympics were in her future. Jamie was so fast in the back stroke that he brought the judges to thier feet in every heat. In this picture, I see that again, he lost his goggles.... that kid... Funny when I remember just how FAST he did everything in life from swimming to handwriting and everything in between... ::change channel quick::
Kelly and Jake swimmed socially. OK, they swimmed for the snack bar treats and friend time. Not that Jamie and Karen didnt love the social aspect of the sport, its just that the two of them were more serious, more competitive, and loved the water very much. Jamie lost interest in the swimteam somewhere around 8th grade..... As you can see on that pic up top right, he even had his dogs in the water..lol Here are a few done today. I think these are clickable...

Accepting an award........

Jamie, Jake, Kelly

Picking Up The Pieces

I'm collecting unsolicited advise. No kidding. Gathering information in order to cope, to make my own conclusions. To survive.
I just recently noticed that I am doing this. Be it encouraging words from thoughtful cards such as Donna's, reminding me to openly "talk" about Jamie. All of the years that makes up my Jamie. Not just this one. The devastating, senseless 2008 year. A spoon theory from Gayle disscussing what it actually takes for me to function on a daily basis these days, or the world/globe analogy from Ms H. showing me how its really normal, to be abnormal right now. That my world was not only in pieces, but all over the floor, and even by picking up pieces, they continue to fall. For this song at the bottom to hang on to from Walt... Just knowing theres a handrail to grab... whoa..
I guess its true, I am collecting.
Yesterday I used up all my spoons by 3 pm and had a meltdown at the post office (poor postal lady) having realized that I forgot the damn Bon Jovi CD to go with the paint swatches to mail to our Ronda, I couldnt even find my usual world, and I had no more spoons to go home and do it all again!
This morning I picked up my world and held it tightly to my chest. I gathered all of the spoons I could hold. Put on my glasses and told a picture of Jamie how cute that age was, and down the hall I went. I used 2 spoons and dropped my damn globe before I made it to the kitchen! And then I laughed, because I understood. I get it. Thanks so much to all of you. The information is being processed, digested, and pieces are being picked up on an hourly basis. I am forever grateful.
I'm off to try again, use more spoons, and paper mache` some pieces together....love yer guts:)

Babies...They just keep comin!

We had another mad rush weekend to see the newborn gr daughter. Julie and baby are doing well.

That drive kicks my butt.. I dont know that its getting easier or harder.. To be honest, I find it difficult to know much of anything for sure these days, but I'll fake it til I make it anyway. Did I mention that Jamie was born there too? De Ja Vu a plenty going on there I tell ya... owie or smiles... I dunno....

I did manage to get 2 customer quilts done, and know what? It felt very good. So today, I will list a plan of attack on another weeks worth of work.

This picture is priceless, and sooooo fitting for Pappa... Is she laughing??? enjoy

Happy Birthday Kim!

And in honor of a special guy on a special day.....................Our Kim is a Thinkin kinda guy (my choice of the 40 something cool things about him)
I decided for a birthday blogabout.....to see what kind of a thinker I am. What kind of Thinker are you???:::smile:::
::::TESTER LINK AT BOTTOM, CAUSE I AM HTML CHALLENGED::::

Your Thinking is Abstract and Sequential

You like to do research and collect lots of information. The more facts you have, the easier it is for you to learn. You need to figure things out for yourself and consider all possibilities. You tend to become an expert in the subjects that you study. It's difficult for you to work with people who know less than you do. You aren't a very patient teacher, and you don't like convincing people that you're right.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

The Air That I Breath

Is thinner... harder to do. I must take big heaping gulps of this support system of mine, just to continue to walk upright. I would never have thought I would need to lean on ANYONE as I have been doing. A part of me feels like a darn child myself. I dont think Ive ever been a very good patient. I can remember Knee replacement, and the back break... I was not a very happy person... ::::read whiner:::: Now, It would seem, whining isnt adequate. More like a walking non functioning alien. Grunt.
I wonder what those people do who are less fortunate than I? With no strong family, no first line of defense friends....other good people who will cry, pray, and go the mattresses with and for them? I must do something for them. For me. ::Pondering just that::

I am a lucky woman, but I am forever changed. I one day hope to say again what I said when I was recovering from the accident.

"I'm not that way anymore, time closes yesterdays door. I'm just as happy, as I was before, but I'm not that way anymore."

Continued thanks dear friends and family for this air... and I'd like to share a few recieved gifts of the month.

H, the Maui necklace is a wonderful memory with friends:) (walt has intentions of keeping it) Deb, the starter kit is an inspiration! Carla, the basket is a joy and comfort to behold. I am using daily for my thank you cards right now:) Ladies, the quilted postcards are just heartwarming as they arrive. Gayle and Dy, I'm still journeling on Nickels:)

And the oxygen tank to beat all?.................Nonni napping with Shawn...lol

::had to stick one gr baby shot in didnt I?:::scuse the bad hair day, which is all of em!

Spring Break Fun

So maybe they missed me cause they all showed up last Thursday for some fun in the sun:)
I think we covered it all.. ATV fun, Beach fun, dinner out, a little sewing, shopping for cell phones.. and yep... those tatoo's..grunt. I think we need to get a WII, so I can bowl more often! LOL... Good to have my family near:) Its just a tad bit easier to grieve, or maybe even remember... together...

Here's a few pics just to let you know I wasn't really missing for the week.. just busy with a demanding toddler, a teething baby, and their parents all having fun at Nonni's & Pappa's:) The weather's turning windy/chilly now, so I m glad we had outdoor fun before May Gray and June gloom arrive. As it was, in Oceano, the wind was nearly gale forced! (Walt ate lots of sand) hey... guess who babysat and took pictures? Ahuh.....

Poor Ginger is worn out!!.................. (too)::snicker::

Easter Visiting Photos

Pappa and Aviana dying the eggs together....the goal was to make Pappas shirt:) Shawns first birthday cake... He didnt get to demolish the curious George cake.. and I forgot to take a pic of his funky monkey quilt!!!

Shawn and Jackson motoring around the property... looking at this gives me pause... ok, fear.

Shawn's walking now..... lookout! dang he is so smoochy cute:)

Daniel having fun with Easter basket

Grocery shopping with Dad.... Oh Man..... He cant hear a darn thing, so the entire store was regalled with his grocery list to Gina.Then.................he had his motor full speed seemingly chasing me around the store! I was busy filling my own cart and trying to hide?

I made it home in time for a sunset with Walt, with 30 minutes to spare for a good cuppa coffee and American Idol... I was just thrilled with a few of the contestants, especially David Cooks rendition of Billy jean.. did you see it?

As I said yesterday... something changed... I felt stronger. Sad, but less empty... is that even possible? I took a few pics at the cemetary, but I cannot look at them yet. I guess I missed alot of family pics... I need to strap that camera to my hip!

The air that I breath....thinner, but still here.

Do You See What I See?

My plan worked brilliantly. I hit the road and drove a bazillion miles again.... just filling up some voids. I spent Easter with my kids/grandkids.. then off to my Parents where I cared for them in a record breaking 6 hours of cleaning cooking and chatting. I drove even further to my Sis and kids, to get my fix there too. I did the cemetary twice just to tell Jamie what I was up to, and thought maybe he could help out? I figured if I just kept driving to my needs, I would be.... OKAY. I just feel wierd.

I did come home feeling a bit stronger, a little "fed" so to speak. Its kinda like that tulip to the left....change channel...

The stretch between the coast and valley is breathtakingly beautiful in spring. Since they are widening the James Dean Highway there, it takes a long time and a great deal of patience to get through the construction work. It helps to have some licorice Jelly Bellies, and a camera. ( Oh, and Jamies Playlist in the CD player.)The rolling hills are alive with color.. its an amazing drive... Theres just got to be a quilt in here somewhere right? So I guess I see Moss green in my stash buiding excercises when I get back to them...

I have a few shots for you, and later I'll get other camera unloaded and bore you with kids:::wink:::

Anniversary Blog

I just wanted to say Happy Anniversary to this blog this morning:) A very nice reader emailed it to my attention, along with encouraging words. Thank you. I was pretty amazed myself, that it has been a year already, and has grown so much. Its sure been a ride hasnt it Dear blog readers? Thanks for coming on the journey with me.
I did my middle of the night walk and re-read the whole year. Just amazing the history that comes from a little morning coffee blog.
I hope that everyone enjoys thier Easter holiday. I am trying to make a plan myself.. Plans are good.... I will leave you with a word of encouragement from Judy. I printed it, and stuck it in my pocket.... a darn good one Judy, Thank you:)

I hope that this weekend brings you a resurrection of a piece of your joy. That you are surrounded by family and friends, sunshine and smiles. And that a small still part of your heart finds some comfort in the stillness.

Am I Okay?

I begin every morning, and end everyday with this question. I ask it of myself, I ask Walt. I ask Ginger, Rudy, and Jamie. Now depending on who I have asked...... You understand eh? Walt always says " You are fine Babe, you are going to be fine". Ginger cocks her head to one side as if to say, I dunno, but I sure do love you lots Ma". Rudy invariably answers with an "ITS OKAY".. every single time. When I ask Jamie, I hear nothing. I feel nothing but pain. Sometimes, a wave of pain that wont let me breathe. After a few minutes of non breathing fear, I choke and Big Sur type tears begin again. Often times in the cold mid night I wake up screaming without vocal chords.... I cant describe it well... I wont tell you the dreams as I cannot. But I must get up to wonder aimlessly looking for something that just isn't there. I have taken to writing ( go figure) in the wee hours when I dance with these demons, on fabric. I have journal-ed what may or not be my thoughts since the day Jamie left us. Left me. Yes me. I feel selfish enough to say it. He LEFT ME. I wasn't done loving him yet! I didn't dance at his wedding. I didn't cuddle, smooch, and love up his blue eyed daughter, who would have looked just like Mamy. There are so many things I feel cheated out of, and he being cheated out of life himself. What you think.. 50 years or more? Robbed of. And for what.... change channel....

Of course I have no idea what I'm doing with this primitive piece of art, however, it does put my mind to pen and fabric so someday it may very well represent my tag line.. "A Stitch In Time Saves My Mind". AGAIN.

I have the first month assembled into a calendar. As I said, its very primitive, but it was....IS... through the fire so to speak. I think that I will continue with it, in hopes that one day he will answer me. Talk to me. Tell me why this had to happen. Tell me where he is, how he is.
Maybe I'll be buried with it. I dunno.... change the channel.

This morning, Rudy said It's Okay. He is singing to the swallows who are coming home this month. I want to sing to. I can't find my voice either.

Here is February Calendar... March is still in strips all over the longarm...some are in nickels on the floor.. tear blotted, smudged and not legible.. ::shaking head::

Remoting Myself

I have an automatic remote control button on board these days. I change the channels often.. sometimes I have to run through 900 channels, before stopping on a good one. A Positive one. Its amazing what the mind can do, good and bad. It's amazing how the body reacts TO this awesome mind work. I cannot believe the pain one can experience internally.

This channel changing seems to work well most times... until you try to sleep. Then throw all control out the proverbial window... cause I am SO NOT IN CONTROL OF THE REMOTE ANYMORE. Ok... zzzzzit.. changing now.

This week end, I remoted ALOT. My daughter and family came down to check on me. Helped around the house, and kept me changing channels. I tried very hard to quilt a funky monkey for my grandsons first birthday. I loaded the back, it was too small.. How did this happen? I unpinned and pieced together backing borders, and its over there waiting for a reload. His birthday is Friday... GRUNT. So we went shopping... a little retail therapy. Before I knew it, 3 hours had passed, and my cart was full. I had grand kid clothes parties for 3 solid hours... I decided, this was a good thing... I need more money to do this more often. OH.. that would require me going to work right? K.... sheesh....I'll make another list. Do you know Ive made list daily and I just look at them? I'm just lost me thinks. Just lost.

Nothing can change a channel like Aviana can. She is a high maintenance almost 3 year old. She wants what she wants... ( her saying, not mine). She usually wants..............all ya got. And the heart of life, is good:)

Heres a pic to leave you with, I'm off to make a list, and actually implement said list, as I have a real live customer scheduled in today. I decided that if I complete just HALF of the list, I will reward myself with a long overdue manicure, as my pretty nails resemble Cruella De Ville these days.... Ewwwwwww

Keep praying, and OMGoodness, thank you for those prayers, calls, cards, and lil "i'm thinking of u gifts.... I dont know HOW I'm getting through this, but you sure help:)
Blima, just seeing your writing, felt so good for a minute... Karen A, u made me smile, Heather, I had a wave of comfort flood me when I heard your voice. Tracye... cherished:) Thank you Jane, Diane, for your perfect timing "thwart off a full on meltdown" calls.... Everyone, so many thanks.. I never knew how much I need others love n care. And my Walt sends thanks too, for helping Him:::wink:::

Moments Take My Breath Away

(clickable pic)

If we are to measure moments that take our breath away....I must count those meltdowns right? They indeed take my breath away. I try to be strong for my children who are also suffering, strong for my husband who only wishes to ease the pain, but I cant seem to get past my own broken heart much of the time.

I want so badly to write,but the pain that comes out of this brain is not even fit for print. I have been writing in private as not to scare the begeebies out of many of you.

I re - read this whole blog since it was born, and I think.... what a little happy ass I was.. taking moments for granted on an hourly basis. Know what? I like being happy, don't you? I miss my unbroken heart too Ronda.... I keep reading that sidebar over there.... Happiness is a choice. Grunt. I know I still have that choice, somewhere in me.

All of what I am made of is now minus one part. One part savagely amputated from my body. I have lost a limb. I know I am not the only one to endure such a loss. But I am Jamie's only Mother, and Jamie is 26 years worth of me. Do the math.... half of my life was spent nurturing this beautiful child of mine. 26 years of moments that took my breath away whether it was his illnesses, growth milestones, pre school, prairie days, mission trips, vacations, baseball, boy scouting, swimteam, church camp, teenage torture, or just plain ole everyday sillyness with his siblings, and everything inbetween that! Now... I am told he lives only in my heart? He is in a photo in a locket round my neck? This I cannot accept.

After having slept most of the week end away, Walt and I caught a sunset last evening. It was an amazing site as always. I sat on the beach and wondered where my son is. If he is ok, if he is suffering, or if he holds the hand of an angel....and if he knows the pain he left behind. Only one fourth of his life did he have with us. Cheated. Robbed of many years. This evokes so many emotions ranging from anger to sorrow all in a "take your breath away" moment. I look for him everywhere. In my dreams, in my waking hours, I still feel the need to fix it. I still feel the need to "wake up" from this horrific nightmare.

I recalled that at the exact time of his tragic death ,I was sitting on a little sand dune, watching a sunset 5000 miles from him without a clue that he was in danger. I felt guilty for being there, even though there was not a thing I could have done to prevent it.

I feel the love around me. I know the greatness of the moments yet to come. But the pain of this loss is sometimes unbearable. And the battle of the heart vs the mind lives another day. My mind KNOWS everything it should, but my heart will NOT listen.

It's Gonna Be Alright

A new song:

It's Gonna Be All Right ©

It will never be OK…but it's gonna be all right

Yeah It ain’t ever gonna be OK…but it's gonna be all right .

1. And when those moments happen…and all the darkness seems like it’s night

2. And in those momentous moments…and all the blackness shows no light

3. And if those moments happen…where your heart just don’t want to fight

It ain’t ever gonna be OK…but you are gonna be all right

In all my days and selfish ways taking for granted the life I own

I looked upon the path I was on and didn’t realize how I’d grown

And in a flash of crimson ash and blackness I’d never known

I got the call that ended it all as I dropped the phone like a stone

I thought I knew what hurt could do until I heard that you had died

I never knew the depth that grew from knowing you’d never again be by my side

If I’d known I’d be on my own and living life without you

I’m not so sure that I could cure the sinking feeling of despair which grew

But in the light that I’d be right if I learned to live with love anew

I saw the fact that I’d attract the life that God gave me in real truth

I can never be so clever as to pretend that I will be the same

My life has changed and rearranged my portrait in my tear stained frame

But we are the chosen ones who have to take the lead

To tell the luckiest ones if not for those who really have the need

To rise above and live with love that passes through our hearts

And mending all those broken lives by telling where our story starts

Doc Mompean 2008,

Thank you Sarah Bears Dad, now send me the melody, so I can sing it:)

Time Marches On

Everyone want to shed a few more tears? Tears of sorrow, tears of joy? Tears of truly bewilderment?

OK, I' have enough for all of us, so lets move on......

My youngest, Jake ( whom I now live in fear of losing every second of every day.. I dunno, I just do) and his wife Stephanie, you all know them from previous posts as Steak~N~Jeff..... (Shawn was born last year) announced they are having a baby girl in July, and her name will be Jamie Elaine, in honor of her late Uncle James. ::insert tears::

Life is still blazing a path isnt it you guys? I wonder how this can be? Now this fills me with about a thousand more questions in my already screwed up head, but I wont go down that road. I just wanted to share a real head scratcher, and try to write without having a full on meltdown. Done deal. I did it.

How does one get back IN the saddle anyway?

I've been told that I must try to get back in the saddle. Where IS the saddle? Is there a ladder?

Does this horse go on auto pilot?

OK, I have been sitting here over an hour, backspacing some pretty painful things, so I will move on and just show you what has indeed been accomplished. Maybe tomorrow.......................You all remember the Silk? Its beautiful, and stainfree.