Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Embracing Uncertainty

So that way, no matter the outcome, it cant hurt me... cause I already accepted it.
Pondering if I should buy into this mantra. I vaguely recall the positive energy that I have always used in the past and seek it out on a daily basis. I just cant seem to locate the damn thing.
There are so many more possible changes under foot, that the uncertainty is at an all time high level. I sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggs for the last 7 days of 2009. No really... I have high hopes, good attitude, but man oh man am I touching each moment softly. I still have the wierd feeling of wtf will happen next. I still feel like the ugly monster is fighting with an ugly monster! I want to be myself, but frankly, my SELF is scary at times! Do you remember the line in the movie Steel Magnolias where Sally field has an angry meltdown in the cemetery with her friends after having lost her precious daughter? I wonder when I wont be pissed off anymore.

Life right now needs to be easier for me. I guess I just need it. A smoother ride. Peaceful, and tender. I am trying to give it to myself on a minute by minute basis. Why? Because I wish to succeed, be whole, be happy. I am grateful that I even KNOW what it is that I need. One of the many perks that come with being middle aged. Thats right, I said MIDDLE.

So my friends I am off to embrass the uncertainty of the healing of my blephritus eyes, as I tenderly scrub them. Then I'll wrap my jacked up knee, for which I know not when the new titanium will be put in. I'll go down the stairs to work and peacefully ponder the home, job, relationship uncertainties...Kind of makes me laugh thinking how will I love up all of these...lol But I shall try! I need to go find this fabric too! Looks like a new quilt to me????

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