Wednesday, August 22, 2007

A Lonely Job?

I have been over there quilting---> thinking.... I need a break, and I need to ponder in type. So you're it!

Walt came home from work last evening, happy and a little tired. He asked me about my day, I about his. He gave me a quick answer, and I yakked his ear off for about 30 minutes without a breath. I stopped myself and asked him again, so what went on during the in service? He detailed a bit more for me and then wondered in to grab his email. He then called to me while I was busy making spaghetti for dinner... " Babe....are you lonely?" I stopped in my tracks and replied, "hmmm... no, not at all, but lonesome would be a good word." I said there's a difference you know, and went on to yak another 30 minutes about just that. I said I left a world where the phone always rings, someones always stopping by, dinner invites are always impromptu, and there places to go and people to tend to. Diving into a full time job, when I came off of a several year hiatus....In that new full time job there is one employee, a parrot, poodle, and a computer, where there used to be several employees, colleagues, and yes, a bunch of bosses. Theres bound to be adjusting, and I'm not there yet. I give it hell on a daily basis and this is my choice, my desire, my passion, my dream. But there are adjustments none the less. I told him that I had spoken to my daughter today, and I was concerned about her stress. He too, voiced his concerns and reminded me that I am sooo not in control of OPP ( other peoples problems).

But let me ask you something..... Isnt it natural, so very natural, for a Mother ( of many) and also a career in the service industry to do what she has always done, and does well? Whats that you say? THE NUTURER. What else do I know this well? I do it because it comes natural, and when I dont have an opportunity to do this, I am amiss eh? Of course I can stand in the shower and belt out Diana Ross IT"S MY TURN all I want, but the REAL me will always be the nuturer, like all of the other care takers in the world. I learned what I lived, as everyone does. I once embroidered a little logo onto a friends quilt as a table topper. It says... "She feeds her family, and she feels full". How freaking true is this for each and every one of us nuturers in the world?

So in this job of mine, that I truly love, and I couldnt be any more driven than I am right now... it is indeed a lonesome job. It has its rewards, u bet. I can still be the nuturer that I am with a quilt presented to warm you, soothe you, make you comfortable, keep you warm, and yes.. make you smile or even laugh. It gives me value to be able to contribute to our future in a manner of my choosing. ( home occupation) But I gotta tell you, scolding the dog, or trying to hold a conversation with a parrot, doesnt hold a candle to real time, real live, relationships. So, if you call here and I talk your ear off, remember this blog, and know that there is a huge differance between being lonely, and being lonesome. I could never be lonely, I have personal riches a plenty. But this is a one woman show in the shop, and lil miss social needs her peeps:)

I feel better now, time for another round of stitchin, cause I did my bitchin>>>>rofl... I crack myself up... Miss you pals:)


Def59 said...

Hey G, I too work from home and while I do have all the little ones here it is hard to say you are lonely, but I understand lonesome. I crave adult contact!Jacob has been here for the summer and he is older ( can you believe he is off to high school this year?) it is not quite the same as adult contact.
I do understand the need to nurture and solve the problems of loved ones especially our children.
What I really wonder though is what prompted Walt to inquire if you were lonely?
I do come and read your blog at least once a week. I know I am bad about responding and I am sorry but I do pop in and read to keep up with what you are doing. I miss you!
Love Di

DearGina said...

Oh Jeez is he old enough for that???? LOL
I guess what prompted Walt to ask, is I think that he an I are pretty "tuned in" to each others moods and he sensed i was a bit homesicky. Not for the valley, but for my family and friends. He always seems to pick up on it anyway. I'm glad you come read, hope u will jump in more too.. I miss ya too!!!

Sharon said...

I know exactly what you mean! All I have for companionship is 10 birds (one on top of my head most of the time)So I tend to talk people's ears off.....anyone, I don't care who they are. Just someone to talk to between 7 am and 5 pm.

Anonymous said...

I hear you about the mothering. Long story, but DD lost all her class for the fall semester. She needs these to graduate!!! YIKES. So.. of course, mom to the rescue. But these people at the college don't want to talk to me, they want to talk to her. Don't they know that she's my baby (actually a pretty responsible 22yo)!!! I need to help her, that is my job.

I loved you comment about lonely vs lonesome. I am by myself a lot (except for Maggie the wonder-dog whose voice sounds a lot like mine).

Donna (mommadonna)

DearGina said...

Oh Man, aint dont ya just hate the fact that you CANT fix it anymore? Its harder now....I cant fix everything:( The Trail Cheif is having to give up the hat here and there...ow
\Maybe thats why older people find a "CAUSE" to run with. They still need to make a differance. Fix things, make them better.
Maybe why its also so difficult trying to get the younger VOTE. They are investing all of their beings into their families and many, I mean MANY could care less about thier vote.... escapes me...its their familes future they need to protect too! OMG how did I get off on that tangent? I'm going back to work..LOL

Lynn Douglass said...

Gina girl, you are deep! I know exactly what you mean, and it's a hard place to be. I have one going to college and one just started his senior year. I'm having to learn to let go and let 'em grow, and I'm finding it a bit lonesome around here too.

The Sarah Bear said...

Grrrr... I remember having conversations like this around a little metal outdoor table on little metal chairs that we flipped the pads up because they were either wet from rain or had too much dog hair on them :) LOL I miss you so much. I called Kim from work the other day and said, "Can we move to the coast now?" LOL! I miss you... I was having a rough night yesterday and all I wanted to do was drive to Polk. Damnit. Love ya

Anonymous said...

thought provoking dear gina. and you crack me up too! kayp

TeresaL said...

Gina, I can so relate to your post. I'm so damn lonesome some days that I pity the poor person who answers my phone calls when I reach out to a friend. I hate appearing needy--but the truth is that I love having friendships, girlfriends to talk with and who understand, but I'm ashamed and embarrassed by how lonesome I get some days because I figure that I'm reaching out to someone who has a 'life' and who isn't a needy pile of loneliness.

The only positive about being a stay at home wife is that the only a$$%ole and idiot I have to deal with on a daily basis So, in that respect, this 'job' is easier than many I've had in the past where I was actually out in the work force daily. I'm also a pretty easy boss, sometimes a screw-off employee (getting myself to do some chores is really not easy some days), often a bitchy co-worker.....but the worst is when I become a sniveling, needy lonesome woman. I do need to get a life. ;)


DearGina said...

Ah..... It feels validating to know that I'm so not alone:)
Aren't you glad someone invented the internet JUST FOR US!!!
Swing by, I'll put on the coffee:)

Anonymous said...

Its time for us now, I am so over this nuturing, I think?, I guess I will always worry about the kids,(its a mom thing) but they are adults now and I am so ready to snowbird.
When is that granny House going to happen, I have plans to make :)

Love u. B

TerriW said...

Yep, just me and the dog, but we have some pretty profound conversations!

You know Gina, any time you feel the need to nurture someone you can fix me one of your fabulous meals and we can have a glass or 6 of wine...........


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