Thursday, February 17, 2011

Packing Problems

A weird and wonderful day yesterday. My Daughter in law phoned and we chatted while I packed the very first box. We discussed our mutual detest of the San Joaquin valley and how we hurt so much being away from each other, but cannot find happiness in this place. She in Idaho and me on the central coast of California. I spoke to my baby grand Jamie and without any ones knowledge got all teary because I could not for the life of me nail down a time when I would see her again. I changed the channel and kept discussing other things like Zumba and moving costs. Jamie is soft spoken when put on the spot, but larger than life in her own element. Reminds me of me:) Shawn's valentine picture just about sent me over the edge, wiry hair and all! He looks so much like his daddy at that age. I want them at my feet until I throw a shoe at them for annoying me. Grunt.
My grands came by yesterday after school. Okay, so thier Mother brought them, but who's counting? They demanded snacks as they always do. I had a 3 minute panic. WHOA.. i didn't expect ya or i woulda.....
No matter... hurry before Aviana melts before my eyes. Now Justin can help himself to cornbread or whatever he sniffs out. Aviana demands prepared foods right? I listed off Bruschetta...Puddin cups... crackers and cheese, turkey roll ups.. I finally hit one with Fish sticks! Avi said " I want 10." Okayyyy Now you know I don't buy minced fish yes? I have cod.... 10 it is..  its stitch n Bitch day, and Im a mess, house is a mess, I packed my first box but Aviana wants a dang snack!
It was then I felt a pang. It was a very deep one too. How will I EVER be happy without Aviana demanding crap on a daily basis? It kind of reminded me of Karen when she left me for her own apartment. ( oh the horror of it all)
As I prepped the fish for baking I made avi busy with sharpies and butcher block paper i was wrapping beverage wear in. No one knew that i was actually struggling with myself about the above mentioned dilemma. I decided to be happy for what I have in the moment, and plan for the moments to come. I feel that one day it will all be okay and we will all be together in one place, happy all. Pipe dream maybe, but it gets me by. Then she had to go and DO IT. YEP SHE DID IT. After eating her fish sticks ( which she complained were too large to be fish sticks) she wondered into the shop and asked to help wrap her scraps. You see she has been given the duty of Nonni assistant and wraps 2 1/2 strips onto half bolts for me, then shelves them. Quite the helper too! She's very meticulous at it! While working her J.O.B. her Mother turned on a new favorite song and guess what she did next? Ahuh.. she began to sing. No.. BELT out this song. No one saw me swooning at the kitchen sink. Double grunt.Whatever will I do without these little heathens around? Did i mention that she is one of the greatest loves of my life? Well, she is. Superific Grunt. ( new one, write it down).
You know, when I first arrived back here in early October I said to myself....we should never have left. We should never have separated the unit in search of a better DQL. I had all that I wanted right here. Our family home, my giant beautiful studio, bricks and mortar, trees planted with purpose,Canadian geese honking all winter long as they strive to find their DQL..... and all of my loved ones within cooking range. ( food, not them.. altho sometimes....) Oh yes, and a Podestos Veggie Sammich on dutch crunch roll.
 Within a short months time, I  took back that statement. I knew why we had left. I was in search of a better life, yes, but silly me they all cant come with cause I'm just not a Kennedy. ( Ma used to say Rockefeller, Fast forward to boomer slang, its Kennedy) I wonder if the grands will "use" Clinton...ROFL.. Geez I crack myself up sometimes.
So theres a price to pay eh? If home is where the heart is i must have :::insert number here::: of each.
hey! Here's a question. how in Gods name do people do it across many states and sometimes countries? So like, where the heck are YOUR grands? Or could it be just me? She wants whats just out of reach?
Good ponder food, meanwhile, I am STILL not a penguin.
I'm sorry, I want it all. My Man, the central coast, safety, security, the best DQL, and all of my loved ones at my feet or at least in shoe hucking range. No, I'm not sorry at all.
Jeez I need another pot.


Rian said...

It is truly a conundrum. My grands live in Ohio and Connecticut. Moving closer to them is not possible. I could not be happy living in either of those two areas (and DH wouldn't go-period). Of course I wish they could be here, but they have to live where their jobs (and spouses!) are. Yes it's hard. And heartbreaking every time you say goodbye. But you do get used to it. Plan future visits and you will have that to look forward to (and cook for).

Lindah said...

One way of looking at it is that by living on the coast, your family will have a fun destination point to visit, fun things to do with you.
It truly is hard to know. Soon we will have the choice to make. Been thinking about it for several years, but still just do not know. We are separated by the continent --way too far. Definitely do not care for the current location. But....

Anonymous said...

I see my son and grands once or twice a year. Sometimes less often.

I learned long long ago I can never have it all. Not anything close to all.

Mama Pea said...

I live far away from my mom and dad. They don't get to see my daughter enough. But, we talk on the phone and we use Skype. And we go invade their house for a week at a time a couple times a year. And it is really fun. And at the end of the week, they are glad to see us go! haha. But then they miss us and we miss them within a few days. Can't have it all. But it sure makes it more sweet when you do get together.

Anonymous said...

When I lived close to family I couldn't wait to move away..then I hated being away...moved close wishing I was away!! LOL...I'm never happy!! Can't have it all so I am trying to enjoy what I do have and take it at that. I won't ponder either way...just go with it!! I am fickle like that! Enjoy your time wherever you are. I think that is the key!! Love ya G!!

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