Now we all know that God works in mysterious ways eh? For the third time in as many weeks this signage smacks me stupid. It sits on a corner, on the street! Its new! It just got there ! ( I think)
Yesterday, for the 3rd time, I got the message.. ok ok... I'll do it. In yester-month, you may or may not know how I begin my day. MY prayer parrot on my desk. Just little stickies for me and my Father to chit chat about everything for awhile, before I start work. Well, its been sorely neglected. (not unlike many things round here)
Today when the little tug at my shoulder as I know to be my conscience, my spirit, whatever you wish to call it, said you bad girl, even though you are in pain, you know where to go, yet you do not. ok...message received.. I get it.. Im going.
Today, I still have issues Many of them. Maybe more than ever before, but I know real when real is here.
I must say that it has come up, the issue of the trinity. Of foreverness. Of heaven / hell... of energy...You name it, THIS family has hashed it out. How do you really know Mom? What if Mom? But Mom God wouldnt.. God couldnt.. mom mom mom..... I can only reply with life experiance, not "just" faith as they argue with me. When you have felt the miracles of God, be they "mini miracles" or big "in your face" miracles, you cannot deny. I have been witness to, and there IS no denying this. It pains me sorely that my childrens faith is also tested...Therefore, I must stand firm, no matter the pain, and believe that he will love us all through it. God, this is hard. This is by far the hardest, highest mountain I have yet to climb. I dont need any more tests, I dont want anymore fear, I cant take anymore pain!! Have I not given all of me, all of mine, all of the devotion deserving of a God such as you? I am seriously PISSED over here, and my family suffers, and I suffer, and yet I STILL Love you? Somethings wrong with me. Wrong with the whole world as I knew it. I see your angels, I feel your love, but WHY DID THIS HAPPEN? I must go through my sons birthday that isnt his birthday ANYMORE, and you want me to pray with you?
Oh great, I forgot who I was talking to.. sorry blog readers....Sometimes my fingers keep going as I speak. Controversial, I know. But, I Yam Who I Am eh?
I have about 1000 of these WHY questions for him, and I am now resolved to resuming my parrot prayers, Journaling my nickels, and hopefully getting some answers. I hope. Glad I can STILL hope too.
One day at a time. Have a good morning:)