Thursday, September 4, 2008

Somebody Say Something?



Now we all know that God works in mysterious ways eh? For the third time in as many weeks this signage smacks me stupid. It sits on a corner, on the street! Its new! It just got there ! ( I think)

Yesterday, for the 3rd time, I got the message.. ok ok... I'll do it. In yester-month, you may or may not know how I begin my day. MY prayer parrot on my desk. Just little stickies for me and my Father to chit chat about everything for awhile, before I start work. Well, its been sorely neglected. (not unlike many things round here)

Today when the little tug at my shoulder as I know to be my conscience, my spirit, whatever you wish to call it, said you bad girl, even though you are in pain, you know where to go, yet you do not. ok...message received.. I get it.. Im going.

Today, I still have issues Many of them. Maybe more than ever before, but I know real when real is here.
I must say that it has come up, the issue of the trinity. Of foreverness. Of heaven / hell... of energy...You name it, THIS family has hashed it out. How do you really know Mom? What if Mom? But Mom God wouldnt.. God couldnt.. mom mom mom..... I can only reply with life experiance, not "just" faith as they argue with me. When you have felt the miracles of God, be they "mini miracles" or big "in your face" miracles, you cannot deny. I have been witness to, and there IS no denying this. It pains me sorely that my childrens faith is also tested...Therefore, I must stand firm, no matter the pain, and believe that he will love us all through it. God, this is hard. This is by far the hardest, highest mountain I have yet to climb. I dont need any more tests, I dont want anymore fear, I cant take anymore pain!! Have I not given all of me, all of mine, all of the devotion deserving of a God such as you? I am seriously PISSED over here, and my family suffers, and I suffer, and yet I STILL Love you? Somethings wrong with me. Wrong with the whole world as I knew it. I see your angels, I feel your love, but WHY DID THIS HAPPEN? I must go through my sons birthday that isnt his birthday ANYMORE, and you want me to pray with you?
Oh great, I forgot who I was talking to.. sorry blog readers....Sometimes my fingers keep going as I speak. Controversial, I know. But, I Yam Who I Am eh?
I have about 1000 of these WHY questions for him, and I am now resolved to resuming my parrot prayers, Journaling my nickels, and hopefully getting some answers. I hope. Glad I can STILL hope too.
One day at a time. Have a good morning:)

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sometimes "One day at a time" is too much. Perhaps one second at a time would be good for today...

Hugs,

Karen A.

Cheryl L said...

Gina, I can't imagine to know what you're going through, but I do know that continuing to take all your thoughts and feelings to God is sooooo important. Have you read "The Shack"? If not, you might want to get it---it's a little slow at the beginning, but don't give up-----it could just be the read you need right now!

DearGina said...

Thanks Cheryl, Yes, thankfully Ronda saw that coming and sent the shack to me, Im on my second "Need to read". Its an awesome read ... and as I say... not a day goes by that Im not giving it my "all".

Jan Thompson said...

Gina - I have depended on God at some times in my life when I didn't know what tomorrow would bring, and at every turn He has comforted me and convinced me that he will be with me always, no matter what. I have not lost a child as you have, but I KNOW in my heart of hearts that my faith would see me through. Do continue those chats with Him. I don't think we will ever have a reason for some things that happen, but we can and must get through it for ourselves and our loved ones. I also believe in my heart of hearts that you will see Jamie again, and though the how cannot be known to us, the very faith that we will see those we love again will allow us to truly live until that time. I am chatting with God on your behalf, so if you skip a day, know that others have your back!!!

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