Monday, September 10, 2007

9x9 = 81 Happy Birthday James!

Even when I try to put aside the fact that I cant share the day, bake a cake, or kiss a cheek with my son James on his birthday, I cant stop chanting his little childhood reminder game.

James is 26, and we all KNOW this because of his birth date. (9/9/81)

I spoke to him today and tried to hear his true state of mind. He was at a local dog park with his 6 month old rottie, Stella. He has always loved the companionship of dogs, and seems to have a good hand at training them. Still trying to find himself in this world, I think that his dog brings him comfort in an otherwise tumultuous world.

I was slightly younger than he is now when he was born. It was a definitive time in life in that we left our hometown Sacramento, to relocate to Stockton. (DAP)
Pregnancy, labor and delivery was very normal and indeed a happy time. Jamie was the prettiest little boy you ever saw. Big bright blue eyes, long and lanky, blond hair in ringlets. He looked (still does) just like his Father. James was quite healthy until his first birthday when we were told that he had asthma, not just chronic colds and flu like symptoms. I remember many a night sleeping on his nursery floor, at his door, and yes, sometimes right in his crib with him. ( I know u got a visual, and yes, its real) I wasn't happy unless I could feel his breath right on me. We had breathing machines, 7 different kinds of medications, and I for one was afraid all the damn time. Looking back, there were so many things I COULD have done differently, but I can say with all honesty , that I did the best I knew how at the time. The doctors all said that he would outgrow it, and they were right, but man what a ride!

A compliant child by nature, soft spoken yet incredibly curious,( I dunno where he got that from) James grew into a handsome and smart young man. His teachers always amazed by his ability to learn so fast, and always want more. So on his birthday I cant help but go over so many things from his childhood days. Recalling mostly good, some not so good. I wish he was here, just for a slice of cake or a stolen kiss ( a favorite game of his back But talking to him was nice too. I hope that he enjoyed his day, and knows just how special that day was. How much I love him. I wait longer for all of what I see in him, to actually bloom. I cant believe that I am this old, of course you already know how I paddle down that river of denial anyway right?
Happy Birthday Munz:)


The Sarah Bear said...

Happy Birthday Munz! Hope you had an amazing day and were surrounded by a lot of friends! And most importantly, I HOPE YOU ATE GOOD CAKE!


Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, why do they call you Munz?
Hmmm maybe a good name for your next dog?
Mr. Munz? lol


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